Christmas season

This Christmas season has been rather busy as my mother's home has been shut for the last three weeks to visitors due to an outbreak of novo virus - visitors can go in but at their own risk. The other people who usually visit mum are not going in as they have children who they do not want to get the virus.  I have therefore been going in every day.

As George has his own toileting issues the last thing he needs is to catch that so I have been going on my own. The other residents are not having visitors so I appear to be the only one in and out. Mum had a small amount of vomitting initially but has been fine ever since.

With me not being there all the time and without his club etc George has taken himself down to Brighton and bought wine for himself. Such a shame as he was doing so well.

His sister died in England on the 12 December which has been a real shock for him. We wrote a letter to be read at the funeral and I made a PowerPoint display as well. The funeral is not expected to be until 7 Jan which seems a long time.

All of George's sons contacted him on Christmas day so he was really excited about that and told me (many times) what they said.

I just hope to get things back to normal soon.

Sunday

Most days I try to get George out. If I go out without him he has all sorts of stuff all over the place. He does not put any clothes away but leaves them in piles on the floor so I have to put them away. While we are both home he will either bring stuff such as photos out and go through them all and have piles everywhere or he will just sit on a chair and doze. He doesn't do any work and hasn't for a long time now. I am trying to get cooking done, gardening, change the bedding, doing cooking, housework etc while he watches. It can get rather frustrating at times especially with the mess he leaves.

Today when we went out he had on a  pyjama top with a jersey on top (it is a hot day). This afternoon I am very busy trying to get things done while he just sits there. I was making a recipe which required rum. I bought rum as a present a while ago but found George had opened it and got into it. I then hid it but when I went to find it guess what? No rum. In addition there are a lot of empty bottles around the garage which I need to clear out. At least he has nearly finished everything we had and I am making sure no more is coming in and he has cut back and does not drink wine as there is no more here.

Coffee

Took George out for coffee as he loves doing this. When we had finished he said he was taking his cup inside (we were sitting outside). The car was parked directly across the road.

I said I wanted to get something from a shop (by where the car was parked) and told him to wait by the car. I was in the shop for 2 mins and came out - no George, he had wandered off.

 I was in a panic but luckily found him.
Can't do that any more.
He does not recognise our car.

Sad news

George's sister has died in England. I had an email to let me know the news. I had gone away for the weekend so George had been in the home. I picked him and took him to a cafe to break the news quietly, not an easy task.

It was not expected and she is five years younger than George. He is pretty upset. They have been in regular contact over the years so it will be a big gap in his life as he loves contact with his family.

Waiting

Something that is quite frustrating is that when George wants something he asks for it and then stands right there until I do it. For example I was doing something tonight and he came and asked for me to put on a DVD for him (he can't do it). I just wanted to finish what I was doing first but he just stood and waited so I had to stop, get him organised and then back to what I was doing.

When he is ready for tea he gets out one fork, one knife and sits at the table ready for me to serve him.

Confusion

Every morning I hear:

Is it Christmas Eve yet?

When I reply that no Christmas Eve is not for another ... days he says:

Why have they changed it?

The other night he watched an old movie and wanted to know why they had changed the ending!!

Time confusion

My sister has been staying for a week to see mum and take her out. She went home which meant that I had to take her to the airport at an early hour for an early flight. George woke up after I got home and he was complaining of a sore stomach. I got him to the toilet and then he went back to bed. He got up an hour later and seemed OK. His carer arrived and he had a shower and got dressed. In the early afternoon he was nodding off so I suggested he go and have a nap on the bed which he did. When he woke up he thought it was the morning and for the next three hours kept saying things like:

Will I have a shower now
I will have my cornflakes now

I kept on explaining that it was now night time but there was no way he would believe me. In the end I went to bed and eventually he followed!!

Writing

We had an email today from George's sister's daughter-in-law to let George know that his sister has had a major heart operation and has come through it really well. I suggested to George that he might like to write her a quick note which he thought was a good idea. He wrote stuff that absolute and utter rubbish so we sat down and I wrote the letter so he could copy it out to send - like a Year 1 pupil. This is such as shame as he was a brilliant writer.

Time

George is gradually going downhill. He asks, at least 10 times a day, what the day is - I have it written on the white board for him but have to remind him every time to go there to check. He does not understand what has happened to time he tells me. He keeps asking if it is Christmas Day; this is because of all the signs of Christmas in shops and streets. Time is a real problem for him.

Something I find is that although he can be left alone I need to realise I will come home to a mess. Mind you that also happens at night as I tend to go to bed to watch TV. I have to get up when he goes to bed as he can no longer turn the TV off.

shopping

Took George to his coffee afternoon tea at Wigram today. On the way I decided to go to the Warehouse as they are haivng a 20% off day later this week. I suggested to George that he might like to go and look at the men's clothing. I found him...

In the kids clothes looking at these tiny little clothes. I realised he didn't have a clue what he was up to so told him to stay with me.

At the cafe one of the other woman said to me about how his Alzheimer's has progressed (which it has).

Going to the Home

George wanted to come and see Mum in the Home at the weekend. When we arrived mum was thrilled to see him and her face lit up. Mum has lost a lot of language and so when she says something George then starts to quiz her about what she means. Mum is not able to articulate and gets upset and this can be when she calls people 'half wits' or 'smart arses'. It means that I have to be there and ready to break into the conversation quickly to stop this happening. George will also bring up topics which I have said not to discuss while we are there; does he remember this - no. Does he start to say something about it - yes. Again I have to be on my toes.  Boy it is hard work with the two of them.

When we went to leave I go fairly quickly after saying goodbye otherwise mum gets all upset. I had left the lounge room and left mum eating her lunch. Does George come too? As soon as I am outside the room I stop and look for George!! Here he is still in the main room, standing up and holding court telling them all about Prince Charles and Camillla's visit to NZ. No one knew what he was on about so he here was going on. It took me 10 mins to get him out, resettle mum and go!!

Contact

Yesterday George had a long conversation, via Skype, with one of the sons who lives in Australia.  He loves to talk to his sons and it is great for him to have the conversations - these help to keep his memories alive.

Friday night

George went to bed in his pyjamas. Later he got up and went out to the garage to look for his gold card which he lost with his wallet a week ago. He then came back to bed. At 5 a.m. he got up and put a winter shirt over top of his pyjama top. He then proceeded to put another shirt over the top of that. Having accomplished that he came back to bed. I asked him if he was cold (it was a warm night) but no he wasn't. I asked why he put the shirts on; he didn't know. He then promptly went back to sleep.

Mess

Whenever I am not with George or if I go out he creates a mess. He pulls stuff out and makes little piles all over the house!! He leaves stuff all cluttered over the kitchen table.

Yesterday I had to work and when I got home George had his oldest friend here to see him. I nearly died, the house looked like a bomb shelter.

It is just something I cannot worry about.

Fetishes

People Alzheimer's appear to often get fetishes about things. George always wants to wear a hat when he goes out; it might be a cap, a cowboy hat or something else. He also puts on one or two gloves no matter how hot the day is. Often they are thick winter gloves!! There are times when he won't go out unless he has on a hat and at least one glove!!

Soiling

Yesterday George soiled himself again just before we were going out. I had to get him to shower and change and of course then had a pile of washing to do. Luckily he did not step in it and trapse it through the house this time but it really is not something that is easy to cope with. If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them.

George's son rang last night. Lucky him; he and his partner have just spent a week in Hawaii, how lovely. They are also building a new house so they have obviously been saving hard to do this. An exciting time for them.

Week away working

George stayed in the home while I was away working. He took his memory book with him and showed it to a lot of the people in the home. He is really proud of it. One morning he woke up in another room, luckily it doesn't appear that someone else was there. Someone took him back to his own room.

I have a lot of work for the next three weeks which is not easy with mum and George to cope with. This morning I had to go to take mum out even though I was pretty tired. People think that those with Alzheimer's don't know if you go in or not - not true. We have someone going to mum every day and she knows if I don't go... This is where it is so difficult having no support here in Christchurch. My two sisters come over for a few days at a time and take mum out and George's son has been down once and taken him out but the rest of the time I am coping on my own - looking after them, taking George to all the places he wants to go to, housework, gardening, cooking, mowing all the lawns - it is a lot to do plus I have to remove the stuff from our old house and try to deal with EQC and the insurance company.  Not an easy life at the moment.

Labour weekend

Getting George ready to go to the Home for the next week while I am away working. He had packed 3 jerseys, 6 shirts, no undies, no spare pants.

I have also been mowing some of the lawn, unfortunately because of the way things are due to the earthquakes etc I have to mow a hell of a lot of lawns. It made me think of what a lovely time George had when he retired 15 odd years ago. He used all his super (money) just on himself. He spent all his time socialising and doing things he enjoyed. He would not garden or do housework so the money I worked for was used for all our living expenses as well as hiring a housekeeper and a gardener which allowed him to have a very nice life style. I was also doing a lot of travelling with my work so George always came with me and had a lovely holiday while I worked

Now of course for my retirement I have both mum and George to look after, I worry about all the finances for all of us, I do all the housework, gardening and lawns. To be honest it doesn't feel much like a nice retirement.  I have things to do for them every day.

When George retired he was going to do some work but just couldn't be bothered getting round to it. We actually need the money so I also have to find work when I can - in between looking after him.

 When I retired I had hoped to enjoy life and do some travelling which of course is not possible at present.

 That is my moan for the present...

I think all of those in my position as caregivers for someone with Alzheimer's (let alone two of them) feels caught and of course there are no other family members  at all to help me with George.

Carers

Well luckily the person who comes to help George with his showering and dressing was back this week so George has been much happier about that. Julie who takes him out for coffee has had a death in the family she she has been away this week.

I am away working next week so George is going to stay at Beckenham Courts from Monday until Friday.

Poor mum has been very confused lately which makes it difficult for her. She has still not accepted being in the home, I guess that they never do. It is awful really as you then have people telling you what to do all the time.

Lots of social times

George has been enjoying life with all the social things he has been doing. Julie takes him out for coffee on Monday and Thursday so he enjoys that. At the Harakeke club on of the University students who has been working with George has made him a memories books - he is thrilled with it and has been showing it to everyone.

He has coped pretty well this week without the caregiver so that is good.

My sister came over from Australia and spent five days taking mum out which she loved.

On Saturday my sister brought my mother to Brighton to meet George and I for coffee. The next day I found a car key for a VW on the passenger seat in my car. I had to take it to the police station and explain the circumstances to them. The thought that it was very funny!! The cop was telling me that a lot of people with Alzheimer's are caught shoplifting, I can imagine this as they think that everything belongs to them!!

Carers

Next week George's normal carer is away. On Friday a woman came to help him. George was not a happy camper and his attitude was 'passive resistance' so he is not having a carer this week. Unfortunately he is not good at getting the appropriate clothes. He comes to be fully clothed with his pyjamas over the top. He loves to wear heavy gloves no matter what the weather. When asked why he does this his answer was " it looks posh".

Carers

George has a carer to help him with showering and dressing each day. He won't cope with females so it needs to be a male. This is easier said than done.

Opening packets

George went to his club yesterday and enjoyed himself so that is great.

Something he does is open every packet of whatever. I find all these packets of food open everywhere and only one or two things eaten. I have had to find containers to put the rest in so that they don't go off. He can't understand about eating one lot before opening the next.

He has brought down a collection of old hats from our house and always wears one when he goes out!! He also wears gloves no matter how hot the day is.

Busy week

We have had a busy week and I have also been working a few hours each day. This can be difficult as George tends to get out a lot of things and then I have to put them away.

He took his new medal (that his son got him) to the Harakeke club to show the other people there. I am pleased to say that it came home again.  A girl from the university is working with George as part of her university course and she is in the middle of making him a memories book so I am looking forward to seeing that when she is finished.

George has someone come to take him out for an outing each week. He loves doing that and this week they went to the museum and then for coffee. He loves going out for coffee and for meals. I also took him to a cafe for lunch - one of the Grab a Deal ones. It was very nice.

He does keep going up to our old house to get things (we are now in a small flat!!) which means that it is getting very crowded here. Also he has no idea of what is his and what is mine. Several times I have found him in my jerseys, and once he was trying to pull on some of my jeans!! All miles too small for him.

Wonderful weekend

George has had a wonderful weekend. His youngest son and partner came down from Auckland for the weekend and George had not seen him for nearly two years. The last time he was here was just after the February earthquake.

They picked George up about 2 pm yesterday and went for a drive to the Hilltop which is on the way to Akaroa. They stopped there for some food and then came home. Today we met them in Brighton for a lazy coffee or two. When we got home I asked George about his weekend - he was still very excited about it all. One good thing is that he can ask about things that his sons may like at this point so that they can take things they treasure. The two of them went through a lot of photos which George loves doing.  He really loves his contact with his family and it is great that he is still at the stage where he is able to as you can never tell how long this will last. Family members who do not maintain contact at this stage may find out too late that they could have had a meanful relationship for some time.

Banking

The staff at the bank told me that George went in recently with a pile of $5 notes in each hand.

He went to the counter and kept looking at his hands and said "45". They asked what he wanted and he repeated "45".

The lady took the money from George put it into one pile and then handed it back to him. George then left the bank quite happy.

It is all the perception

George went to his Harakeke club this week. When he came home he mentioned that one of the other men who goes had said that some days he knows he is more confused than others and he does not feel as 'sharp'. I asked George if he ever felt that he was confused at times - "no" he said. He does not think he is confused about anything but neither does Mum. They both think that everyone else is confused.

A week

It is over a week since I have posted on this blog - busy, busy, busy...

George is still putting the water in the coffee jar rather than the cup - not all the time but about 1 in 10!! I therefore try to be there when he is making coffee. It really is quite an expensive trick. I want him to remain as independant as possible for as long as possible.  To get around this I just keep a small amount of coffee in a jar and put more in as this gets finished rather than a whole jar going out..

I took George out for dinner one night last week. He loves going out for dinner but this can get quite expensive. What I have found is that I get 'Grab a Deal' vouchers. The dinner this week cost $31 for a voucher for two meals. Had we been paying the normal price it would cost twice as much.

I do find it difficult to get George to wear the appropriate clothes. He will come to bed (if I am asleep) in trousers, singlet, shirt and then pyjamas over the top of all that!!

Remembering

Something I find really difficult is remembering how someone with Alzheimer's WAS. I think that is because with both George and Mum I am seeing them constantly so I only see them as they are now even though we look at photos. I really noticed this as I went to the West Coast for two nights. As I was driving around I found it so much easier to remember different times and things I did with both of them. As a carer I need that distance sometimes.

Bad day

This morning George had breakfast and then was sitting in the lounge. He went to the toilet but didn't make it in time so had it all over the floor as well as soiling his clothes. Luckily the caregiver was coming in to give him a shower.

He had a lovely day and Julie came to take him out this afternoon. It has been raining all day so it was nice for him to go out and have a cup of coffee.

After tea George went to the toilet again and once again didn't get there in time. This time however it was not over the floor but in his clothes. I have suggested to him that half an hour after a meal he goes and sits on the toilet for a while to see if he can go. He is obviously leaving it too long before he goes.

Rugby

The match between Australia and New Zealand was televised last night at 11.30 so George stayed up to watch it. He loves the rugby and so it is great that he still has the concentration to watch a whole game.

He got himself a snack - left jars with lids off on the bench. I think he enjoyed it and it is now 10.30 a.m. and he is still asleep!!

 I am pleased that he is getting the sleep he requires.

Going out

I had to meet a student at 12 midday yesterday. George had Julie, a carer, coming to take him out at 1.00 p.m. Before I left I went over this with him several times and also put it on the whiteboard.

I got home at 1.30 p.m. to find George had gone - I thought with Julie. A couple of minutes later Julie arrived. She had been in earlier and found no one home so had come back.  We had a cup of coffee while we waited. I had to assume that he had taken himself down to Brighton but was not sure.

He arrived home at 3.30 - he had been to Brighton. He told me he waited until 1.30 and Julie hadn't arrived so he went to Brighton. He has no idea of time - Julie came before this time and I got home at 1.30.

This is a real worry as I am not too sure where he is. If he continues to do this sort of thing it is going to be increasingly difficult to leave him on his own.

Take their time

I rang EQC (these people deal with damage caused by the earthquakes)  last Thursday (today is Tuesday). They told me that someone would contact me within 72 hours - they didn't tell me that weekends didn't count - the pipes don't know that bit!! Yesterday I also rang the council and they were not hopeful that anything would be done for a while as now we have flooding in Christchurch - just what I need!!

George is off to his club today and at the moment is going out and and coming back in - looking for the person who comes to help him in the mornings. He is not due for another half an hour.

George has a great deal of problems knowing what day of the week it is. I write it on the whiteboard for him every day but he looks at it as if I have got it wrong. This morning he was watching TV and then came in to me very excited - he told me that one of the announcers was like him as he had got the day wrong too (Tamati; George reckons he said Wednesday instead of Tuesday - I was not watching so can't comment.

Just what I need

We have a huge hole in the driveway, I did not know what it was. It is caused by the sewerage pipes being badly damaged due to the earthquake.

I rang EQC on Thursday and was told that it would be dealt with within 72 hours. After 72 hours was up I rang EQC and found that weekends don't count!! I wish our sewerage knew that. It is pouring with rain and there is no way that George can understand this so I am going to have to wait until it is fixed and then clean up the mess.

Clothes

George has great difficulty choosing appropriate clothes. Last night  went to sleep before he came to bed. He wore his shirt and a singlet under his pyjama top and then he pulled trousers on over his pyjama bottoms!!

In the early hours he got up and turned around, he then started to come back to bed. I asked if he needed to go to the toilet. He told me he had just been and went back to sleep.

Not too sure how things are...

This morning I had a doctor's appointment so while George's helper was here to give him a shower and get him dressed I went down. When I got home George was back in bed. He had been dizzy in the shower and was very slow with understanding etc. I have been keeping an eye on him all day - he got up about lunch time but keeps going to sleep and has been very white. Later in the day someone came round to see him and took him out for a while which was nice.

I have organised for George to go into a home for a few days respite care. While he is there I am going to the Coast to do some visiting in schools which will be lovely.

Carrot and stick approach

Last night, before bed, I told George that if we had a good night (no soiled pants) we would go out for coffee in the morning. He went to bed early (after going to the toilet) and had a good sleep. He did get up to go to the toilet during the night but no mishaps.

I think that we will make this a regular thing and see if the positive reinforcement works.

Buggar

I was so pleased with the way George was coping with toileting - too good to last!!

Last night I was asleep, woke up and found George in the lounge with most of his clothes off. He had soiled his pants again.  I am so disappointed as I thought that I had got him into a regular routine and that things had improved. I was hoping to be able to take him away for a night or two but that looks increasingly difficult. I will go to the doctor on Monday and get some more pills for him.

Back to bed

George got up this morning and had his coffee and was watching the Olympic games on TV. I was doing various things like dressing etc. When I went back into the lounge and no George!! Found him - he had gone back to bed and was asleep...

With the white board which I keep on the wall so he can see what is on each day I have found now that I need to keep it very simple or otherwise he gets very confused. I have on it:

• the day - he is never sure what day of the week it is so he checks that constantly
• what is happening that day (just one or two things)

and that is all that is on there. It saves a lot of confusion for him, he can only cope with one or two things at a time and seeing more things up there becomes very confusing for him; for example I used to have a column where I had things that were coming up and he kept going to that column (on the right of the white board) rather than the day (which I had on the left). Now I just have the one column.

A new week

Last night George's youngest son rang him. George really enjoys these calls and it is so nice that his son is able to have some good quality discussions at this time as it will be something that he remembers in the time to come. Unfortunately his other sons have had little or no contact with him this year which will probably be to their detriment in the time to come. I doubt that they accept the diagnosis and also, no doubt, they are just wrapped up in their own lives which is unfortunate as you do not know how long George will be at this stage and it is so good if they could have some good memories. In time they may come to realise how they weren't there at a time when it would have mattered to George, this is where guilt can start. However that is there decision.

Today George has Julie coming later today. She is coming once a week, at 3 o'clock, to do something with George, for example go for a drive, a walk, play cards etc. Last week they went to Sumner and then for a coffee. Today they are off to Lyttelton.

Confusion

Took Mum to Brighton for coffee yesterday. She enjoyed it and had a pavlova. It was very difficult to get her to eat with a fork or a spoon - fingers straight into the cream and she got it everywhere. I had to feed her most of the time although I do try to keep her independent. She also kept trying to stop everyone who went past as she thinks they are all coming in to see her. Most people of more mature years are very understanding but people in the 12 - 30 year group have trouble understanding what is going on; little kids take no notice which is so nice.  You have to keep your eyes on mum the whole time while you are out and about, don't blink or something will have happened...

Took George down to Brighton to get some groceries and took him for a coffee while we were there. When we came home a neighbour came to ask if they could have one of our couches from the old house. We sorted that out - he is using it for his 'man cave'.





George then went back to our old home and came back with 3 large containers of Christmas decorations - gold balls etc. When I asked why he had brought them down he told me so we could cut them up to eat. He thought that they were cheeses!! I have hidden them in the top of the wardrobe in the spare room!!!

Another good day for George

Took George to Sumner for lunch. It was one of the Grab a Deal vouchers I had purchased. George loves going out all the time. He had an open chicken and bacon sandwich which he enjoyed.

I have been reading some books about dealing with early stage dementia and will start putting up some ideas for others in this blog.

One of the old men at mum's home had been refusing to eat and drink and died towards the end of last week. It is very distressing to see them like this and it makes you wonder about letting them have to end their lives like that.

Communication

George has been asked to work with a student from the University of Canterbury. The students are in the middle of their Bachelor's degrees and as part of their course they have to work with a person with Alzheimer's. George still has great powers of discussion 'the gift of the gab' and loves nothing better than to 'chew the fat'. I will be very interested in how this goes.

I went to an Alzheimer's meeting today to give a talk about using respite care. I tended to focus on all the things I did not know when I went to use it hoping that it might help others when they go to use it.

This is an interesting presentation about Alzheimer's.

About Alzheimer and Dementia from marina761

Meeting

George had a meeting two days ago. He is a member of a committee who look at Canterbury's sporting greats to select two of them to become Canterbury Sporting Legends.

The meeting started at 11 and finished at 2. As it was over the other side of town I made two appointments for myself and returned to pick him up at 1.45.

I waited and
I waited...

At 2.15 I went in to see what time they thought that the meeting might conclude. Imagine my surprise when they told me that someone took George home as at about 1 o'clock they decided to cancel the meeting as two of the other committee members had not turned up.

George did not have house keys...

I raced home. He had dropped his papers and the mail on the doorstep but no George. I went running round the property and over to the beach to see if I could see him. I had just got home when up the drive came George - he had decided to catch a bus to Brighton.

This is an interesting video on the stages of Alzheimer's.

Social time

George had a phone call from one of his sons, he loves hearing from any of them.

George went to Harakeke club yesterday. They spend a lot of time sitting around and socialising. He has found around four other men who he relates well to and they chat about all sorts of things.

While George was at the club I went to visit mum. She is loosing language and starting to make words up. This is something that is also happening to George and is not something that I had anticipated.

Mum is also having difficulty swollening pills (spits them out). She has a chest infection at the moment which doesn't help her at all. I chatted to her about my sister's visit but I am not sure if she remembered or not, as I have said before it is very much 'living in the moment'.

Shaving

George has been having some difficulty shaving; he doesn't see all the areas he is missing. His old razor packed up six months ago and was unable to be fixed. I bought him a new one, the equivalent of the old one. He keeps mucking things up so it won't go. This time I have been able to fix it and will have to take in to the shop for repair. I know that it is going to happen again. Yesterday George and I bought a disposable razor and shaving cream. He had never used one before so I taught him to use it. He did do a better job than with an electric one - I suspect it is because he was carefully looking in the mirror while he did it. We'll need to see how things go.

My sister has been wonderful and done a lot of housework while she has been here which has been marvellous as this chest infection I have had has left me breathless after small amounts of work. She has just been a godsend.

Busy time

I have been very busy taking George here and there - nothing exciting but just time consuming. My sister has been here looking after mum this week which has been a godsend as Mum has been unwell as have I.

Last night one of George's old work colleagues was retiring and he was asked to the farewell. When we got there people were giving speeches. They stopped to open the door for George. When he went in they all clapped - everyone was thrilled to see him. He had a wonderful social night.

night time coffee

Last night George got up sometime before 3.30 a.m. and got dressed. I found him in the lounge and told him it was the middle of the night and went back to bed. After a while he came back to bed and went back to sleep.

When I got up this morning I found he had left me a cup of coffee in the lounge. It was cold so I warmed it up in the micro wave. I took one sip!! I then found that George had put all the coffee from the jar (over 50g) into this one cup of coffee. There was no coffee left in the jar and the jar had been cleaned out. I think he had put the water in the jar and then poured it into the cup.

One foot at a time

George is managing pretty well at the moment. Today he went out and picked up the cabbage leaves that had fallen down and put them in the rubbish bin - he did this by himself without asking!! Sometimes he does things that surprise you.  When I got home from seeing mum yesterday George had taken a bus to Brighton and had got himself a few things at the shop while he was down there.

While I was at the home with mum yesterday she slumped down and had a turn (I think it was a mini stroke). She lost all colour in her skin, her eyes went blank, the right side of her mouth was slack. She kept going in and out of this state for about 10 minutes. She then went to the toilet and came right. The doctor went to the home and checked her out and said she was OK.

My sister arrived from Australia today and went off to see mum at about lunch time today. When she got there mum had fallen on the floor in her room and no one was there to help her. Unfortunately Mum does tend to wander off a bit and it is hard to keep track of her and everyone else as well but I do know that the staff do their best.

Memory clinic

We are off to memory clinic today. George loves going out. I have now got into the habit of  taking him for a coffee and toasted sandwich as part of the 'going out'. Yesterday I had to go to the hospital for a test so George came too (he wanted to). When I had finished guess where we went? The nearest cafe... - I have to check before we go out as to what clothes he has on. Yesterday he had on his pyjama top under a jersey, I decided that as others would probably not be aware I would not worry.

 I must admit that I find my life is taken up with taking George where he has to go, seeing mum, cleaning up after George, doing house work - sounds boring? It is and I also find it pretty stressful.

Something I have found is that those with Alzheimer's have little or no consideration for anyone else.  I guess it is because they are in their own little world. They do expect that everything will be done for them. I am not sure how those who live alone get on.

Don't sweat the little stuff

Last night George asked me if I wanted him to get us a cup of coffee each. I said that was a nice idea. He poured three cups...

This morning he put his cornflakes on a bread and butter plate and brought them into the lounge. I did suggest that we might be better to put them in a bowl with the milk which we did.

I try to keep him as independent as possible so have decided to try to say as little as possible when all these things happen and just go along behind cleaning up the mess.

Breakfast

This morning George was getting some coffee and cornflakes. He put the coffee in the cup and added the cornflakes into the cup...

Taking care of the carer

I keep being told that it is important to take care of the carer - easier said than done. I retired to look after mum and then she went into a home and straight away George was diagnosed. I knew nothing about Alzheimer's at the start of this journey (in 2010) and now I feel quite an authority on it... Most people caring for someone with Alzheimer's have other family members around to help share the load. Unfortunately I have two family members living here and both have Alzheimer's; all our other family members live in other places so I am it. This is why I started this blog was to let the other interested family members check in here to find out what is happening.

Something I worry about is my own mind. Although I couldn't work full time I do like to do things with my mind to keep busy. I am so grateful to those friends of mine who have found work for me. With one I did some relieving teaching work which I really enjoyed. I was working with young girls who had specific problems in their lives and were trying to move on. I found the interactions with these girls rather stimulating and hope that their lives go the way they want them to. Another friend has been finding me some data analysis to do for some research projects, this has been really interesting, particularly as it is about education and so it is something that I am interested in. The old job I left employs people to work on contract but unfortunately they have not offered me any work at this point. At the present moment in time I am able to work part time but as George progresses this will not be possible. To those people (friends and family) who have helped me to gain jobs or who have been there for coffee, chats etc a great thank you as that is so wonderful when you are in this sort of position.  It makes you feel as though someone else cares.  I must say though that you do find out who your friends are.

I meet friends for coffee regularly which is great and gives me some time out. At the moment the weather is freezing but as it improves I am going to look for some clubs or groups to join.

I also play a lot of Suduko and do the crossword puzzles in magazines and online - hopefully this will help the mind (fingers crossed).

Out for dinner

George loves going out so we have just been out for dinner. He had salmon which looked lovely. I buy GrabOne vouchers when they appear which makes going out very affordable. Tonight our meals would have cost $50 for the two mains but I paid $26 for the voucher - you could have two mains that cost up to $52.

George needed me to tell him what to wear - he had on pyjama top instead of a shirt but we changed that and off we went. He enjoyed himself.

The weather here at the moment is fine during the day but there is snow over a lot of the South Island so the wind here is bitter...

Keeping things on an even keel

I took George to a mid winter Christmas luncheon a couple of days ago. He had a lovely time talking to all of those around him. Today he is at the Harakeke group which he really enjoys. He is making friends with those who attend the group and also the memory group. All of this entails a lot of running around for me but it keeps him happy.

Unfortunately I am off to the doctor's as I am not well. This is difficult as George really is not aware of others and how they are, with this disease everything revolves around them...

Spoke too soon...

I spoke too soon over George's toilet issues. I was just getting ready to go out today when George came out of the toilet. Again he had dropped it all over the floor and stepped in it. At least this time he took his slippers off and walked away in his socks. I got him to take all his clothes off to put in the laundry and go and have a shower. I then found him in the garage with the dirty clothes and when I asked him where he was going he told me he was going to the laundry...

I got him into the shower and I cleaned the toilet area.

Unfortunately this is one of the main areas where he has a problem.

Coffee afternoon

The coffee afternoon was held at Wigram airbase where there is a cafe. George had a sausage roll, a small mince pie and a toasted sandwich; as I said he has a big appetite.

A photographer from the paper was there and he and George had a long conversation about the state of the paper these days. George loves the social interaction with others.

Paper

George used to work for a morning newspaper and as part of his retirement package they gave him a life time subscription to the paper. A couple of months ago they stopped this (new owners had just worked out that there were quite a few papers being given away like this and so stopped them all). Luckily we are able to get the paper online for free which is a bonus (through the public library).

This morning, before I was up, George went down and got the paper belonging to the next door neighbours. I had to tell him to take it back and remind him that we don't get it delivered any more.

He then wanted to go and buy some wine. We talked about it and luckily he decided against buying any more wine (he still does each time he goes to Brighton and then has it after I have gone to bed...)

I am taking him to an Alzheimer's coffee club this afternoon.

A cold weekend

We have had no incontinence problems for over a week now so that is fantastic. I know that George feels good about that.

Yesterday was bitterly cold (and so is today). I went to see mum while George watched TV and got himself bits and pieces to eat. He is still able to make his own breakfast - he has cornflakes and milk followed by toast. Mum is very vacant at the moment; she knows me and chats but is quite tired and not wanting to do much. She keeps having wee cat naps. She had a very busy weekend last weekend and it seems to take some time for her to get back to old self.

I got George toasted bacon and egg sandwiches when I got home. Something I notice both with mum and George - they both eat a lot but do not seem to put on weight.

Last night I put the TV on the channel for George to watch the rugby and went to bed. George came to bed and I asked him if he didn't want to watch the rugby. He told me it wasn't on and it was just horse racing. I went back to the lounge and found he had changed the channel to Trackside.

Contact with family

George had a ring from one of his sons this week. He was really pleased to hear from him. His other children rarely make contact so he was able to find out what is happening with all of them as they had been together at the weekend. I know he likes to know how they all are and I know that he enjoys hearing from them as it makes him feel important to them. Although all the family are aware of this blog not all of them are interested in what is happening and do not look at it.

He also got a letter from his sister who lives in England. He also likes to hear from her. They used to write to each other frequently but unfortunately George is no longer able to write a letter. He tries but it makes no sense and he repeats the same sentence several times. He is aware that it makes no sense and it frustrates him as he really enjoys getting the letters and phone calls. Any emails that come for him I print out for him.

I have contacted Nurse Maud (Doctor's suggestion) re George's incontinence issues. They have suggested that I up the pills from the doctor (for loose bowel motions) to two a day and also try to get him to go to the toilet at the same time each day to try to get him into a routine. I am trying this so we will keep our fingers crossed and see how it goes.

Weekend

My sister has been here for the weekend and she has been taking mum out which mum has really loved. Each day she has taken her out for the morning, back to the home for lunch and out again for the afternoon. On both Saturday and Sunday George and I met them in Brighton for afternoon tea. Mum and George really enjoy doing that.

After Friday's problems with walking poo through the house George has had a good weekend with no further problems. I have found coffee mugs filled with red wine so need to watch that one, I am not sure where he keeps the bottles.

Snow

We have had snow here and could not go out for a couple of days. Poor old George; he loves to go out for coffee which I do with him most days.

On Friday I was working in the morning and when I came home found he had soiled himself again, stepped in it and walked through the house, that took me quite along time cleaning the carpet again. It really is a problem and I am not sure how to solve it. He doesn't seem to get onto the toilet on time and drops some in his clothes and on the floor but often is unaware that is what he has done!!

I took him out for dinner last night which he enjoyed. He had a chicken breast which had been wrapped in bacon and served with a salad and chips.

This morning he slept in until midday...

Better night

George had a better night and so is feeling much better this morning. He slept well with no problems.  I gave him a pill from the doctor for loose bowels but I can't do that all the time we'll just hope that these do the trick.

George poured himself a coffee this morning - he put a teaspoon of coffee in the sugar bowl and filled it with hot water...

Soiling

Last night George soiled himself again. He had on a pad but got it all over the floor in the toilet and on his slippers. I have a lot of cleaning to do today, just what I need. This is a real problem. I have some pills for when he has loose bowels and will be giving him these. He does not appear to be quick enough to get himself to the toilet in time and then it gets on the floor of the toilet where he stands in it and takes it into other rooms.

He is having a lot of trouble telling the time of day. Today, at 11 a.m. he came out and asked if he had on appropriate attire for bed; he thought it was time to go to bed.  He has little idea of what day of the week it is but that is understandable when someone is retired although he constantly asks and I constantly tell him. It is an awful disease as he has great recall in most other ways. He is keeping up with his exercises but does very little else. That is what is so good about the Harakeke club where he is interacting with others.

Visiting mum

This morning George went out to get the Sunday Times - he got a neighbour's paper and I had to get him to take it back, he was not happy about that. I explained that it was Saturday and yesterday was Friday. He told me it was very confusing. I said that I was going to see mum this morning. He got dressed and came out telling me that I could drop him at the Harakeke club. I explained that was on Tuesday and today was Saturday; he does find it really difficult to work out. I then suggested that he come with me to visit mum which we did. I have to be very careful about what he says when we are with mum so that it doesn't get her upset. She feels that she is in there because I have to look after him. The fact that I am now looking after him has not got a lot to do with why she needs to be in a home now; it would be impossible to care for her at home and she has a very high level of needs.

They both seemed to enjoy the visit and looked through old photographs which is a good way for them to keep remembering family members, especially those that they don't see frequently.

Doctor visit

Went to the doctor today who told George how much better his skin looked without as much alcohol. Unfortunately he has had a couple of slips but not too much, he has tried very hard. He is a lot less confused without it. Yesterday, while I was working, he went to Brighton on the bus and got himself a bottle of wine. By the time I got home he had drunk about 2/3 of the bottle. Last night he got himself a hot water bottle and filled it with black coffee!!! Luckily he did not soil himself as has happened at other times - fingers crossed that we can keep this up. He has memory clinic tomorrow morning which he enjoys.

Harakeke club

This morning George woke up complaining of a sore stomach - he did this every time he was going to the Evergreen club so I was mildly suspicious that he didn't want to go to the Harakeke club today. I took him there (he wasn't too keen) and once we got through the door he made himself at home. The rooms are purpose build and are lovely. People were sitting around chatting and he quickly made friends with a group of men around the same age.

I left him there and went to the home to see mum. George and my brother-in-law had been to see her yesterday and she repeatedly told me about the two men who came yesterday (she remembered that happening) and how pleased they were to see her. She remembered having a joke with them and kept asking me their names although the names actually did not seem to mean anything to her. I took her in lemonade (which she had asked George for yesterday) and some cakes etc. She enjoyed them but is not eating as much as she has been; for example she would easily eat 6 lamingtons (halves) but today only had two and only had half a glass of lemonade. She is getting more confused although will still have moments where she says something very clearly and lucidly.

Yesterday she asked my brother-in-law who he was and he explained he was married to her middle daughter. In a loud voice mum said: Well good luck to you!!

Twice lately George has gone to the toilet on the floor in the bathroom instead of the toilet (at night). I have tried putting plastic/newspaper on the floor hoping the noise would alert him that he was in the wrong place but that does not seem to have worked. We are trying leaving the bathroom door shut and the toilet light on and see how that goes. If that doesn't work I will put a lock on the bathroom door.

Social interaction

George's youngest son rang him to have a chat. George just loves to hear from his sons. After a phone call he tells me all about it so it obviously means so much to him and it is lovely when he gets a phone call like that. Another of his old friends from Tauranga rings regularly and he really looks forward to those conversations.

Today we are trying a new club, it is the Harakeke club. George is not that keen on the people at the Evergreen club so we are trying this one. It is held once a week and some of the people from the memory group go to this club. The memory club is now held once a month and will be this Friday. George really enjoys this group, he likes the two women who run it. One of these women is an old friend of another woman who worked for George years ago and we are still in contact with her via Skype. Skype is such a lovely way to be able to keep in touch - George loves it as there is the video contact.

My brother-in-law commented how much better George seems after giving up the wine - very true.

Yesterday the two of them went to visit my mother and had a good visit with her with lots of winks and laughs so that was lovely. She had another visitor during the morning and then they were there for an hour in the afternoon so she had visitors most of the day. It will be interesting to see if she remembers that when I go in this morning.

The wine again

George went out on Thursday while I was working. By the time I got home he had drunk half the bottle - result - more soiled pyjamas!! He got the message and poured out the rest of the bottle thank goodness but it takes a couple of days for things to come right again.

It is such an awful disease and it seems to be so random. This morning George came out with one slipper on and could not find the other one (it was by the bed where he left it) and kept going all around the place looking for it. I kept telling him where it was but that made no difference.

My brother-in-law came in last night to stay for a couple of nights. George loves having the company and they talked together last night after I went to bed. He is still able to hold a great conversation which is so good. The doctors told me that he probably would retain that ability for a long time as it is so deeply ingrained into his memory banks.

Retaining independence

The week is flying past with one thing after another. George is still going pretty well.

I took George out on Monday to have coffee with the Alzheimer's group but when we got there we found it wasn't on so we went and had coffee somewhere else. On Tuesday I had to go to Mum. George is still fine to be left at home alone which is great. I do have to be prepared to find a big mess when I get home. He doesn't mean to do it but he does get himself something to eat and leaves stuff everywhere. He also keeps getting things out from drawers and going through them. He never puts anything away.
He is also able to catch a bus to and from Brighton which I encourage. The doctor and I want him to retain as much independence as possible for as long as possible. He has let the girls at the bank know that he has Alzheimer's and so they help him when he wants money out.

Clothes

George has just got up. He came out with a pair of my jeans on - he could not get them up, let alone walk properly. I had to tell him to take them off.

Home again

Collected George from the rest home on Saturday. He was pleased to be coming home but had had some good experiences while there. He went on a trip out to Lincoln one day where they saw new homes going up. He sat at a table for meals with a group of guys about his age so he obviously made some friends there.

While I can't say he would have liked to stay longer he at least coped well which is good as I will need to get a rest in order to be able to keep him at home and as we have no family here to come and stay with him when I go away or need a rest getting a few days respite care in a home is great.

For this first time I was very careful in choosing the home, it is a rest home and does not have a dementia unit and at this point is all George needs. I wanted him to have a good experience so that he would feel OK about doing it again.

Respite care today

George goes to respite care today. Getting him ready has been very time consuming. He has packed and unpacked a lot but hopefully we will be right. I am working this morning and then going home to finish his packing and then taking him to the rest home. I really hope that he enjoys it.

Girls can do anything

I cleaned the razor and charged it and now it is going like a dream, thank God for that.

Wine

Found George drinking wine again yesterday. It is such a shame as he was doing well - nearly two weeks. I will need to keep an eye on this as his soiling at night had stopped and so it may start up again with this development.

At the end of last year George told me that his razor needed to be fixed. We took it to a shop who told us it could not be fixed. I bought him a new one which was not cheap but was the one he wanted. Today he told me it no longer worked (it is 4 months old). He had it plugged in upside down but when I put it in correctly that did not help. I pulled the top off and it was absolutely full of rubbish - George had never cleaned it. Not being a male I was unaware of it but certainly know now and also know that George is no longer capable of doing simple things like this. I need to check every little thing - this is one more thing in losing his independence. It does get very tiring. I am charging the razor at the moment as if I can't get it going I will need to get in somewhere tomorrow and hope to get it back by Thursday ready for the respite care....

Wall to wall moaning

I am putting George into a rest home next Thursday and he will stay there for a week for respite care. The Government pays for people like George to go to a rest home for periods so that the care giver is able to have some time out. I have been given 28 days a year for George. It is not as generous as it sounds as the day they go in and the day they come home are counted so for a week it works out at 10 days. He is going to  a nice rest home called Beckenham Courts. We went to have a look at it recently and he liked what he saw. He will have his own room with an ensuite. I am sure he will like it. At the moment I am trying to get things ready as I have to name everything that he takes in - this is actually quite a big job. George has also been getting together things he wants to take. This morning he started telling me he didn't think it was a good idea for him to go there. We then had a conversation about how he was going to enjoy it and it would be like a hotel. Then off I went to mum to be greeted by:

A tirade about how she was not going to forgive me for dumping her in there. I then gave her an ice cream which she loved. It was a cream freeze strawberry ice cream sundae. I also fed her up on all sorts of other things; truffles, chocolate fish, lamingtons etc. We then looked at all the pictures in a magazine and she was reasonably relaxed when I left over two hours later.

I have to say that I often lurch from one to the other.

Yesterday I spent two hours searching for my cameras; I knew that they were in a bag that I took in to mum but couldn't find them - thank god I suddenly remembered that I had taken in another bag one day. This is stress and trying to remember everything.

Social interaction

George loves going to the memory group which he did on Wednesday. He talked about it a lot when I got home. Since then he has asked (about a dozen times) if he has memory group tomorrow!! Next Wednesday is the last day for this course so he is going to miss it.

Yesterday he had the Evergreen group (which he is not so keen on) but I suggested to him that I would take him out for coffee and a bagel afterwards so that made him happier. When I picked him up he was not particularly happy about the day but was OK. Unfortunately he will not be going there for 6 weeks as he goes to Beckenham Courts on Thursday next week. He will stay there for a week to give me respite care. I hope that he enjoys it. After respite care I am unable to get him to the Evergreen club for 4 weeks as I will be teaching.

Tonight I am taking him round to see some of our friends so that will be nice. He does enjoy the social interaction of others.

Maintaining progress

George has started going out for a walk in the sand dunes more regularly so that is great, keeping up the exercise is so important. He is continuing to have more nights with no issues and is so proud of himself so that is fantastic.

Yesterday I took him to the bank to get some money out. He still does this himself but the girls in the bank are wonderful and help with it, they know and understand that he has Alzheimer's and go out of their way to look after him. This is great as the longer he can continue to have some independence the better and it gives him confidence in his own abilities.

A quiet Sunday

George was so happy with himself this morning as he had no toileting issues throughout the night. The whole thing takes away all your dignity. It was exactly the same for mum and any of us would feel the same way. It is totally understandable that some of those with Alzheimer's get aggressive - it must be so frustrating to have everything slowly slipping away.

Took George out to the markets with me today to look for some things my sister wanted. Unfortunately we were not able to get them but George enjoyed his trip out and we went for a coffee (and he had a toasted sandwich) in Brighton which he loves to do.

An old friend of George's rang him tonight which was lovely - he really enjoys hearing from friends and family. About half an hour after I finished this post George's youngest son rang so he also enjoyed having a chat with him.

Making progress

Last night I helped George get ready for bed at an earlier time so that basically I did all his dressing for bed. I got his pads and pyjamas on and then he decided to put trousers on over top. I explained that he didn't need to wear those to bed. This morning I found that at some time he had put track pants on over the top of the pyjamas. Anyway the pad and disposable pants did the trick and were put in the rubbish this morning.

This is such a strange disease. George is still capable of catching a bus and going to Brighton to do shopping, banking, go to the cafe etc and yet he he difficulties with toileting and dressing. Another thing he has trouble with (which I didn't expect) is writing. When he does try to write it is all over the page and repeats the same thing over and over again.

Toileting issues

George had another night where toileting was an issue. Another huge load of laundry to soak and wash. This cannot go on like this. I have rung the hospital to try to get some more support to cope with this. George doesn't seem to be particularly aware of it although today he tried to clean the toilet floor. I know he tries to help but ...

Tonight I have put him into his pyjamas (with a pad and pants underneath) and then I found him trying to put a pair of trousers over the top. He told me he was going to wear them to bed too.

This b... Alzheimer's it is so hard as they are all different but George is certainly losing continence and yet he is still able to remember most things and to carry on a good conversation resulting in people not believing that there is anything wrong with him.

Night times

George wore a pad and disposable underpants to bed last night. They worked well and were discarded this morning.

Today he should have gone to the Evergreen Club but once again decided he didn't feel well and wouldn't go. I suspect that this could be a problem as it is important that he goes to these clubs to have the interaction and social activities and also it gives me a little bit of time to myself. So far in 4 weeks he has been twice and twice felt ill. As soon as he gets his own way and I ring to say he won't be there he perks up. I am going to have to get a bit harder lined about this.

ANZAC day

I awoke this morning to George lying in bed going 'oo oo oo', and shaking so I said 'do you need to go to the toilet?'. 'Yes' he replied. 'Well go then' I said. Off he went.

I would say I was just in time as while he did not soil the bed some of his clothes were soiled and I have them soaking. The doctor gave me tablets for loose bowel motions so I have given him some of those.

Today I went to help a friend with a computer problem. George wanted to come so off we went. When we finished I couldn't find George and he had gone on out to the car. As we were leaving I asked him why. He said he wanted to go to the toilet. I said why hadn't he said but he didn't know. We stopped at a shopping mall to go and get a coffee and sometime to eat (and so George could go to the toilet). When I parked he told me he wouldn't make it. Off we drove and luckily just down the street I found a portaloo so pulled up right beside it and told George to move as fast as he could - about 3 steps - so off he went. That is a blessing, we still have portaloos around as some people still do not have proper toilets after all the earthquakes we have had here.

Before going anywhere I need to check he has been to the toilet (I did today before we went out). I guess all these things are pretty demoralising to the person involved.

Walking

George had a visit today from the exercise lady who is working with him. He did the exercises with her and then she asked about how often he had been for a walk along the beach. He admitted that he hadn't so she suggested that he needed to. This afternoon he did indeed go for a walk on the inland route in the sand hills so that was great. Admittedly he is now having a snooze but that is OK too. He has been enjoying all the programmes that have been on about the World Wars - ANZAC day tomorrow.

Saw mum in the home today. She just loves to talk one on one to someone. She was quite lethargic but happy enough otherwise. We talked for a couple of hours. She just loves the attention and hates not having it. She is losing language and uses 'yoghurt' for anything and also people are often 'Lucy' although she has started saying 'that lady' and then I have to guess - I am getting extremely good at guessing but it does help that I know who has been in and out and also I know (having lived it) what she is talking about in her earlier life.  Today she looked at a photo of my younger sister and said 'that looks like Jennifer' - her own name and then started stroking the picture.

Food

I need to watch George and what he tries to eat. Today I had to go out for a while to help someone with some computer problems. George did not want to come but wanted to watch the war stuff on the history channel - he really enjoys that. When I got home I found the dishwashing tablets on the bench (from under the sink). George had taken one out of its wrapper and tried to eat it. He asked me what it was and said that it tasted like caustic soda. I explained it wasn't for eating but for doing the dishes. He had also got himself biscuits and tomato etc so was having plenty to eat. He knows where the food is - in the pantry - so I am not too sure why he would go under the sink to find more!!

Phone calls and Skype

After George had been to the doctor one of his son's rang that night. George told me it made him feel as though he cared (the son). These things really do matter.

Today I got someone he used to work with on Skype and they chatted for three quarters of an hour. George liked the opportunity to have a great conversation with this person. The beauty of Skype is that you can have the video on and see the other person.  This social interaction is important.

Something I have found is that those with Alzheimer's love to have one on one with someone. They like all the attention focused on them. Unfortunately this is not always possible but it certainly seems to help them.

George also loves to chose a DVD to watch in the evenings. This means that I generally go to bed to watch the programmes I like.

Evergreen club

George was not keen on going to the Evergreen club so I got some wall to wall moaning on the way there. I explained to him that it was something he needed to do. I am pleased to say that at the end of the day he was happier.

Mum has been more confused lately and the doctor has ruled out another urine infection. He says the confusion is just a sign that mum's dementia is progressing. He said she could last 5 or 10 years.

Clarifying doctor visit

Reading my quick post yesterday I realised that I had not explained the doctor visit very clearly. The doctor had taken a blood test to check blood/sugar levels and things like that. While some of the results were higher than they should be the doctor felt that they would come down through George not drinking. He also feels that the toilet issues are due to alcohol and not Alzheimer's.

It all gets pretty degrading. 

Great news

The doctor was really thrilled with George for not having had a drink for 3 days. He said that it showed an improvement. He had got back the results from a blood test and told him that by continuing not to drink his levels should return to normal. That certainly would be a relief.

Memory clinic

Well believe it or not George has not had a drink since seeing the doctor on Monday. He is much better for it. He has been drinking coke and ginger beer. No more toilet issues thank God.

Today we went to the Memory Clinic which he really enjoys. When we got home he did tell me he had too much on his schedule! I wasn't sure what he was on about but he was worried as I can not take him one day and have organised for someone else to take him in so he was obviously concerned about that. At the moment he has been dressing himself as Mark is away. I noticed (when we got home) that he has his pyjamas on under his clothes...

No wine

Well George is not drinking wine or gin so the doctor must have got through. He is drinking a lot of ginger beer and is enjoying that. It is great to see the improvement particularly in having no soiled clothes/sheets etc.

Took my grandchildren to see mum this morning. She does like to see them but I am not too sure that she really knows who they are although she does appear to sometimes. They have done a urine test but she does not have an infection so it looks as though the Alzheimer's is progressing. They rang me late this afternoon to say that mum had been found sitting on the floor in her bedroom so they were not sure how she got there, she seems OK but I am going back to the home on Thursday to see the doctor.

I took George to see a rest home this afternoon where he can go for respite care while he is still at this level. Tomorrow we have memory clinic. I sometimes feel as though I am going from pillar to post with all the things I need to do with regards to Alzheimer's.

Visit to the doctor

Well an interesting visit to the doctor today. He has given me pills to give to George when he starts the 'runs' again. He also explained to George that this will be caused through his drinking and that at the rate he is going it is going to be difficult to see just what is going to kill him first!! I wasn't sure if George got the message but I took him for a coffee after that and we talked about it. As he said the doctor had made things very clear.

I am going to get some adult naps to use at nights when this happens in the future. It will be interesting to see if George modifies his drinking and whether the doctor has given him a good scare.

A good night

I gave George 2 boiled eggs last night (I had been giving him very bland food for the last few days) and that seems to have done the trick as this morning we have a clean bed thank goodness. I will ring for a doctors appointment soon. I will also go to the Nurse Maud hospital to get some naps for night time and an undersheet for the bed.

More soiled sheets

George decided to go to bed in the spare room last night and this morning the sheets are soiled. I am finding that I am just washing so much at the moment; two sheets each day as well as a lot of clothes.

I am taking George to the doctor tomorrow - it is really difficult coping with this. This really is a deal-breaker to caring in the home, you can just do so much. The doctor may be able to find out if George has an upset stomach or what. We will also need to find out about naps for him to wear as it is impossible at the moment. Every time I think I have finished cleaning up I find more somewhere else. It feels never ending. It also means that I am reticent to take him out anywhere...

Stomach problems

George still has his stomach upset. I have given him bland foods to help him. I am not sure where he got this from or what he has eaten. He is not unwell but just has a lot of problems with going to the toilet. What I am not sure about is if this is part of the disease or to do with his drinking. He is certainly getting into a lot of a mess so I am doing loads of washing.  I have found poo on his clothes, in the bed, on the floor, on chairs and on cushions; he seems quite oblivious to it. There is certainly no way I would feel comfortable about going away anywhere with him. Unfortunately these toilet issues make it really difficult in the home so I need to talk to someone about this and see if they have any ideas. He is still having his wine. He was supposed to have a lady round this morning to see him about the exercises he is doing but as he was not too good I put her off.

My grandchildren are in Christchurch at the moment and so I was lucky enough to be able to spend some time with them. We went out for lunch, then to the skateboard park (they love that) and finally to the home to see mum. Mum was in bed having a sleep. She is very tired at the moment and certainly not her usual self. She knew who the boys were and they said that they would like to go and see her again on Tuesday before they go home so that is great.

Memory clinic

George went to the memory clinic yesterday and really enjoyed it. He feels that it is beneficial and helping him with strategies to help him.

Today he was supposed to go to the Evergreen club but he refused to go as he has an upset stomach. I had found a lot of poo over the toilet and the floor this morning so cleaned it up and got him some toast for breakfast.

I had an appointment with our accountant so I left him while I went there. When I came home I found more poo all over the toilet and floor again - George seems quite oblivious to it. I bought home some Easter eggs which he really enjoyed and I notice that his stomach has not stopped the wine drinking. This is where it can be very difficult as you know that it is the disease but it just seems there are some really awful behaviours that also become apparent.

I find it necessary to remind him about exercises and things like that. He is quite content to just continually go through stuff and drink his wine.

Coffee morning

Took mum out for coffee today. She is finding it more and more difficult to do things such as getting in and out of the car, sitting at a table etc. I took her to Brighton where we met George. Both of them enjoy this time even though mum makes little sense a lot of the time.

George went to the bank and also travelled home by bus - it is important that he keeps doing things like this independently so that he retains these abilities.  When I arrived home he had drunk a bottle of wine! It is hard to keep him off it when I am not there and even then he puts it in coffee mugs.

Hoarder

George is a hoarder and always has been. Before the earthquake we had a big home so it wasn't so bad but now we have moved to a smaller home. I have ensured that he has a whole wardrobe to himself plus a big dresser but still... He is constantly going up to our old house and bringing down rubbish which we have no where to put it all. It is really frustrating as I have to do all the housework and gardening as well as everything else and at times I just feel that as fast as I tidy he puts more rubbish around.  Also once he has stuff down here he constantly pulls it out and goes through it. I then have to remind him to put it away (or I do). This also happens a lot when I go out to see mum for example. I do realise it is all part of the disease but it can get frustrating - it is like when the kids are little and leave their toys all over the house.

The big difference between being a caregiver for the kids and for an Alzheimer's person is that the kids are going to grow up while the Alzheimer's patient is only going to get worse.

Easter

A very quiet Easter for us - there are times when you can feel quite isolated. But we did not feel totally on our own. My sister sent a lovely e-card for us which we both enjoyed and then my son and grandchildren rang from Auckland. One grandson was going out on the harbour fishing with his father (a chip off the old block) while the other had things he wanted to do. They spoke to both George and to me so that was lovely. Both grandsons had been into the chocolate Easter eggs and enjoying them - they sounded very excited.

My grandchildren and daughter-in-law are coming to Christchurch this week and I am very excited. They wanted to see us Thursday but unfortunately I have already made an appointment that morning which is quite important - I did that as George will be at the Evergreen club that day. They will be here for over a week so I am sure that they can fit some time to see us. I particularly want to make sure that the boys see mum as she wants 'to see the boys before I die'.

It is really good for George when family ring or email as then he feels that they care. It is really sad when family members do not bother to keep in touch although it is a reality for some people. For others it is really fantastic to see how family members and friends help out during the rough times. My sisters Skype and email which is lovely and I have another cousin in Australia who rings and one in Wellington who stays in regular contact. I know that it is difficult for everyone as they also have their own lives  with their own problems and often, I think, it is easier not to think what is going on elsewhere.

When a family member had cancer some time ago it was nice to see different family members leaving their own families and going to help out at different times, I am sure it makes a difference for all concerned. For those with Alzheimer's it is similar as they know that there is no cure and they are fighting hard against the disease and they need all the support that they are able to get from their families and friends.

Skype is a great way to keep in touch and it costs NOTHING.

Socialising

Last night George really enjoyed himself, it was great. We went to see some old friends for drinks at around 5 pm and ended up staying for tea. George was like his old self and had a lot to say. Our friends were very good and we all gave him plenty of time to find the words he wanted and things like that. He spoke quite openly about his Alzheimer's and how he is trying to stave off its progression.

I was well aware that I needed to be home reasonably early to get ready to go to see mum.

This morning I went in to see mum quite early as I knew a lot of people would be around the coffee shops and things as it is Easter Saturday and shops were all shut yesterday. When I got there I found mum in her room lying across her bed asleep. She was very tired and didn't want to go out (most unlike her) so we spent several hours looking at photos and talking about her past. She was very confused with most things although she would certainly have some lucid moments. Her back was not sore and she did seem more contented today so that was certainly a positive. I have asked the home to check her urine in case she has another infection.

I took in Easter eggs for all the people in the home (small marshmallow ones) - mum had about half a dozen. They came to take a blood test for diabetes but I did suggest that her reading may not be accurate with all that she had been eating.

While I was out George got the bus to Brighton and had a coffee and toasted sandwich. It is so good that he is still able to do that so confidently. He also walked to the end of the street to catch the bus - over a kilometer away. Last night someone said that they thought that they had seen him walking so he thought he would today - great stuff...

Later on George went up to our old house and started pulling more things out and going through them.

Evergreen group

Meeting and socialising with others is important for those with Alzheimer's. There are clubs here where people can go for the day. These clubs are very popular and it is difficult to get into one of them. This is because of the number of people now being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. To get a place in one of these clubs the social worker from the hospital organises it for the person. The Evergreen club rang earlier in the week and they had a space on a Thursday and thought that George might like to go along to have a look.

We went for morning tea and then, as George seemed to settling down with the others, I left him for the day. The day is from 10.15 to 2.30.

The timetable:

• Morning tea
• Quiz
• Housie
• Exercises (chair)
• Lunch
• Games - cards etc

George did tell me he preferred the people at the memory clinic but all up he seemed to enjoy the club.

Before the earthquakes George had a group of friends who met weekly for lunch. The earthquakes have disrupted a lot of our lives. George's group no longer meets as the place where they used to meet has gone and with the roads being so impossible nothing was done to reorganise their meeting again. One of the members died (old age, not earthquake). George also no longer drives - he 'lost' his car and then had an accident he didn't remember having, so it is important that I make sure that he goes to meet these other people. It is not enough to just have the company of your partner and family the stimulation of others company is also important. 

Memory clinic

George started his memory clinic today. He enjoyed it. While he was doing that the carers had another meeting where they discussed some of the issues for carers. George finds that talking about the issues he has with others who are in the same situation is helpful. These clinics are held weekly for five weeks and then they have meetings once a month.  They also look at different strategies to help them cope with the disease.

visiting

Went in to mum this morning. I sat and had a coffee with her while she finished some food and drink. We chatted about all the visitors she had last week: in addition to all her usual daily visitors she had a cousin, an old friend from Rotorua and another friend from Christchurch come to see her. This meant she was often having two visitors a day. It is very interesting that no matter how often I go in she tells everyone that she doesn't see me and that I haven't been to see her for 'months and months'.

We then got ready and I took her out. I took her round to see Alison, a friend for morning tea. We took a book which shows pictures of mum throughout her life to show Alison. She enjoyed doing that. We were there for a couple of hours and she also had a couple of little sleeps during this time. She constantly keeps coming up with comments such as 'I want to be part of the family'. I would tell her how she was part of the family and how everyone comes to see her and how we are all doing our best for her - 'yes but... '. I have to work very hard to distract her but she frequently comes back with this sort of comment. She is also constantly saying how she does not like where she lives and wants to live in a home on her own. It is very hard and no matter what I feel very guilty because there is no way I am able to cope with having her at home.

There are times when I do find it difficult to go to see her as I know that I am going to get these comments and it is very wearying.

Oysters

 I went to mum in the morning but we didn't go out as it was raining heavily. We sat and looked through magazines and her books. She can be very lucid at times but extremely confused 2 seconds later. She does not understand why my father is not sleeping in her room with her.

One of my old students came to visit yesterday while on a trip home from Sydney. She brought around a dozen oysters which George has just had. He loves them. He had some trouble opening the pottle - he was trying to take the top off with a can opener.

 He and my student had a long chat and he told her all about his Alzheimer's and the things we are doing to help him. He was very positive about it so that was good.

Unfortunately, last night he went to the toilet on the bathroom floor again. I leave lights on but it doesn't always work.

Starting early

This morning I got up early and then when I walked back into the bedroom at 7.30 here is George finishing his first red wine of the day. The next thing I knew he was in the kitchen and pouring another and taking it back to the bedroom. I quickly got him to bring it back and explained how early it was. He kept taking sips from it however whenever I was doing something (I just noticed that glass getting lower.... )

This is a real worry as alcohol is a real part of George's problem (as well as the Alzheimer's).

I took him out for brunch and got coffee and a huge all day breakfast for him. He enjoyed that. I seem to need to spend a lot of time with both him and mum - mum to keep her as happy as possible and George to try to divert him away from the wine.

People's reactions

It took me some time to convince mum's friend to come to visit her today. She could only spend 'half an hour' as she needed to go shopping (she had also spent all day yesterday shopping). It is certainly interesting the people too who do not contact George at all. I guess some family and friends of mum and George don't want to know and think that by not seeing or contacting them they don't have to confront it. It is such as shame as both of them can still recognise people and have a reasonable conversation. George of course is still able to carry on a great conversation - he loves doing so.

Tonight he put out some wine glasses and I asked why - it was for some friends who are coming round tomorrow which I explained. The next thing he had gone and changed ready to go out for lunch (I was getting tea ready) - I had to explain that we were going out for lunch tomorrow and that it was now tea time. He had no idea of the day or time.

It never rains but it pours

This morning when George got up I told him that Mark would be here soon to help him dress. He told me that he was off to Wellington to the Rugby Union. Luckily he seemed to forget that conversation pretty quickly.

I went to the funeral this afternoon and was very pleased that I had gone as Mum used to stay with some of them when she was at high school and so they were pleased to have me there as Mum's representative.  It was very sad but it sounds as though she too had dementia and was getting to the point of needing to go into care and so took this way out - very understandable but quite hard on the family.

When I got home I found George had been to Brighton to go to the coffee shop for toasted sandwiches and coffee. When he got home he had got out a whole heap of stuff which is all over the place so guess what I will be doing tomorrow morning - we have a visitor coming in the afternoon. 

I had a ring tonight from one of the people we pay to go and visit mum each week and unfortunately she has had a car accident and will be out of action for some time - she is not hurt but does not have the transport. Mum needs to have someone going in each day so I will need to take up the slack although I think I will try not going one day a week and see how that goes.

Coffee time

After George got dressed this morning  I took him to the home to meet mum's cousin and get mum to take them out for coffee and cakes. Initially mum didn't know who her cousin was and then kept calling him by his father's name - Uncle Frank!

 I must say that it took me five toll calls yesterday to organise things to take mum out today (usually I take her out tomorrow) and get phone numbers - time consuming but luckily got it sorted.

Mum enjoyed her outing and then when we went back we all looked at her book. She turned her nose up at lunch as it was 'smelly' - pumpkin soup followed by mince. I just told her to eat what she wants as I see no point in pushing that - she had quite a bit to eat when we went out.

George enjoyed himself but it is hard to ensure that he doesn't say something to upset mum, for example I am not saying about the death or that her friend is in Christchurch as I am not sure that the friend will have time to visit her. It gets all very difficult at times.

funeral

I have been in contact with the family of the person who has died to find out about the funeral. It is on Tuesday so I am reorganising myself to go to mum tomorrow.

The lady who died was 83 and she commited suicide. It is so awful to think of people doing this but mum often speaks about wanting to do it. I guess it is up to each person and we can't judge them for making the decision but it is very hard on the family left behind.

George has been having a wonderful afternoon with his old friend which is lovely as he just loves chatting away - so does mum. Those with Alzheimer's just love the one-on-one attention however it is very hard to provide that all the time which is what they like.

Friends

As mum has not been herself this past week I rang the home to check on how she was on Friday. They told me she was her usual self. I went in the next morning but found that she was still very quiet and placid which is not like mum. I took in food which she loves but she only just picked at it. We watched a movie together which she seemed to enjoy. There did not seem anything wrong but just not her usual self.

When I got home I found that one of mum's best friends had just rung from Rotorua. She was just boarding a plane to come here as her sister had died. I will need to go to the funeral to represent mum and our family. As well mum's cousin has come over from Australia and will meet mum and me for coffee while he is here. 

I do have to remind George to ensure he does his exercises but they are all ones he is capable of doing so he does realise the benefits of doing them. One of his old friends is coming round to see him so he is excited about that. This person was at school with George and then became a teacher. He taught me at high school!

There are certainly times when I am just trying to do all the things I need to do for mum and George and hoping like hell I don't forget to do it all. 

Birthday lunch

Due to the visitors we were unable to go out for lunch on George's birthday so I took him out yesterday.

I got George to do his exercises but I am going to have to nag over those until he gets into the habit.

We are going to have a look at a day club to see if George would like to go there.

Exercises

A woman from PMH came round and took George through some exercises which he is to do each day. They are all achievable and will help with posture and building strength, the challenge is to make sure he does them.

We have also had the woman round from Health Care who is trying to organise a 'friend' for George. This will be someone who will come and do things with George once a week to ensure that he has other social contact and not just me. We do not know when this will happen but hopefully sometime.

George starts a memory clinic in the first week of April. This is a five week course where they learn strategies to help with the memory loss.

Birthday

George enjoyed his birthday. He liked the cards and presents although one present hasn't arrived. I managed to get a copy of Casablanca which is in the mail - it is one of his favourites. For the day I gave him two T shirts and some Frank Sinatra movies (DVD).  He loved watching an e-card sent to him by his sister in law, on the computer and his sister, in England, sent him some books.

He also decided to go to Brighton for a hair cut late in the day and luckily he was able to get one.
Frequently when I am trying to get a meal he will come and stand at the bench making himself something to eat, like toast. Even though I tell him I am getting tea he continues to eat and so often takes a long time eating his tea... Last night when I told him that I was getting tea he looked surprised and wanted to know what the time was. I told him it was nearly six and time for the News. He thought it was still morning.

This morning he was making a coffee and put the hot water into the coffee jar instead of the coffee cups!!

The cat came back

On Sunday night it was very hot and before we went to bed we had the doors opening out to the garden. Mum's cat, Lucy, lives with us - she is an inside cat and rarely ventures outside. This night she did and she would not come in when I called her. Panic stations!! Mum asks about her frequently and I take her in to see mum regularly. I kept getting up and going out to see if I could find her. Luckily in the early hours of the morning she came to onto our bed where I found her when I woke up.

Went to mum and she was still very confused so we sat and looked at her books. She talked a lot but it was not making a lot of sense.

George has done very little all day - he did not look at the whiteboard. I think he was hoping that I would take mum to the coffee shop as he likes to meet us there. He obviously had quite a few drinks while I was out so I quickly made food for him and also a big tea. We have a lady coming to teach him exercises tomorrow.

Coffee time

George loves every 3rd Monday of the month as there is an Alzheimer's group coffee time in at the Gardens. He really enjoys it and is with others who have the same problems. I talk to the other caregivers there as well. It takes all afternoon - we got home about 4.30 and it starts at 1, some of this is because of the state our roads are still in. When we got home George said how much he had enjoyed this afternoon.

As I am trying to get tea George is making himself (he had toasted sandwiches while we were out)

• a bowl of cornflakes
• biscuits and cheese
• toast

I am not too sure why but he is certainly eating a lot (and also drinking). If I don't watch him he is likely to pour himself a wine first thing in the morning. He often fills a coffee mug with wine and counts that as one glass.

On Wednesday we have an insurance assessor coming to look at the house (probably take most of the day) plus someone coming to show George some exercises for him to do.

Confusion

We have a flat up our drive which has been rented out to tenants. The owners decided to come and live in their flat three weeks ago. It is a small one bedroom flat and the owners are a married couple with a teenage son living with them. Therefore they have put up a temporary room also on their property.

Since they have moved in George has been getting very confused as he can't see where they are living. I take him out and show him but then the next day he will again say something about them and we go through it all again. It is really strange as for most things he is pretty good but if he gets confused over something it is nigh on impossible to explain it in such a way as it stays.

Weekend outing

Went in to get mum from the home and take her out for coffee and cake (cheesecake which she loves). I find it quite difficult now to get her in and out of the car and she is finding it more difficult to understand the instructions you are giving her. To sit her down in the cafe I get her to put two hands on the table and then I put the chair behind her and lower her on to it. I then pull the table to her. She tends to flop into a chair and I worry in case she misses it!! George came and met us at the cafe as he loves going there too. He caught the bus home so it is great to keep that up.

I have to be careful when I am driving as our roads are still bad with lots of road works and with mum talking non stop and demanding answers it is difficult to concentrate. It is quite difficult to talk to her as she does not always know what she is talking about but expects you to know. She has forgotten what has happened 5 minutes before so she is really 'living in the moment'. She also expects one-on-one attention and so you have to completely devote yourself to her and what she is saying.

I must say that I retired 15 months ago in order to look after mum at home. Unfortunately mum's condition got worse very quickly and now of course I have George with Alzheimer's as well. I can't say that this is the retirement I ever imagined for myself. I had planned to spend more time with my grandchildren, do some travelling, enjoying life and other things like that - all things that now seem unlikely although I am going to Australia for a week for a family wedding. I am arranging for others to go and see mum each day while I am away. I know that she would be OK not having someone each day but not everyone knows that so it is better that I have that organised. Unfortunately also I will be away for mother's day so I will just have to have mother's day for her the Sunday before. In my position it is very easy to feel that you are the one that no one needs to worry about - therefore it is important to realise that you need to care for yourself. After the earthquake unfortunately my son and grandchildren moved to Auckland so my visions of spending more time with them did not eventuate. Everything changed so quickly - now I am here with mum and George.

I had just got home today when the people at the home rang to let me know that mum had lost colour and slumped down. They found that she was breathing heavily and had low blood pressure so that they are keeping an eye on that and will let me know if they need me to go and sit with her.

George's sister lives in England so I guess it is hard for her to know she won't see him again - he won't be able to travel over there. His son's live in Auckland and in Sydney so they would need to come here to see him. It is his birthday this week and I am pleased as I have been able to get him a copy of the DVD of Casablanca (I have got him some new clothes as well) - but I doubt that it will be here in time.