Oysters

 I went to mum in the morning but we didn't go out as it was raining heavily. We sat and looked through magazines and her books. She can be very lucid at times but extremely confused 2 seconds later. She does not understand why my father is not sleeping in her room with her.

One of my old students came to visit yesterday while on a trip home from Sydney. She brought around a dozen oysters which George has just had. He loves them. He had some trouble opening the pottle - he was trying to take the top off with a can opener.

 He and my student had a long chat and he told her all about his Alzheimer's and the things we are doing to help him. He was very positive about it so that was good.

Unfortunately, last night he went to the toilet on the bathroom floor again. I leave lights on but it doesn't always work.

Starting early

This morning I got up early and then when I walked back into the bedroom at 7.30 here is George finishing his first red wine of the day. The next thing I knew he was in the kitchen and pouring another and taking it back to the bedroom. I quickly got him to bring it back and explained how early it was. He kept taking sips from it however whenever I was doing something (I just noticed that glass getting lower.... )

This is a real worry as alcohol is a real part of George's problem (as well as the Alzheimer's).

I took him out for brunch and got coffee and a huge all day breakfast for him. He enjoyed that. I seem to need to spend a lot of time with both him and mum - mum to keep her as happy as possible and George to try to divert him away from the wine.

People's reactions

It took me some time to convince mum's friend to come to visit her today. She could only spend 'half an hour' as she needed to go shopping (she had also spent all day yesterday shopping). It is certainly interesting the people too who do not contact George at all. I guess some family and friends of mum and George don't want to know and think that by not seeing or contacting them they don't have to confront it. It is such as shame as both of them can still recognise people and have a reasonable conversation. George of course is still able to carry on a great conversation - he loves doing so.

Tonight he put out some wine glasses and I asked why - it was for some friends who are coming round tomorrow which I explained. The next thing he had gone and changed ready to go out for lunch (I was getting tea ready) - I had to explain that we were going out for lunch tomorrow and that it was now tea time. He had no idea of the day or time.

It never rains but it pours

This morning when George got up I told him that Mark would be here soon to help him dress. He told me that he was off to Wellington to the Rugby Union. Luckily he seemed to forget that conversation pretty quickly.

I went to the funeral this afternoon and was very pleased that I had gone as Mum used to stay with some of them when she was at high school and so they were pleased to have me there as Mum's representative.  It was very sad but it sounds as though she too had dementia and was getting to the point of needing to go into care and so took this way out - very understandable but quite hard on the family.

When I got home I found George had been to Brighton to go to the coffee shop for toasted sandwiches and coffee. When he got home he had got out a whole heap of stuff which is all over the place so guess what I will be doing tomorrow morning - we have a visitor coming in the afternoon. 

I had a ring tonight from one of the people we pay to go and visit mum each week and unfortunately she has had a car accident and will be out of action for some time - she is not hurt but does not have the transport. Mum needs to have someone going in each day so I will need to take up the slack although I think I will try not going one day a week and see how that goes.

Coffee time

After George got dressed this morning  I took him to the home to meet mum's cousin and get mum to take them out for coffee and cakes. Initially mum didn't know who her cousin was and then kept calling him by his father's name - Uncle Frank!

 I must say that it took me five toll calls yesterday to organise things to take mum out today (usually I take her out tomorrow) and get phone numbers - time consuming but luckily got it sorted.

Mum enjoyed her outing and then when we went back we all looked at her book. She turned her nose up at lunch as it was 'smelly' - pumpkin soup followed by mince. I just told her to eat what she wants as I see no point in pushing that - she had quite a bit to eat when we went out.

George enjoyed himself but it is hard to ensure that he doesn't say something to upset mum, for example I am not saying about the death or that her friend is in Christchurch as I am not sure that the friend will have time to visit her. It gets all very difficult at times.

funeral

I have been in contact with the family of the person who has died to find out about the funeral. It is on Tuesday so I am reorganising myself to go to mum tomorrow.

The lady who died was 83 and she commited suicide. It is so awful to think of people doing this but mum often speaks about wanting to do it. I guess it is up to each person and we can't judge them for making the decision but it is very hard on the family left behind.

George has been having a wonderful afternoon with his old friend which is lovely as he just loves chatting away - so does mum. Those with Alzheimer's just love the one-on-one attention however it is very hard to provide that all the time which is what they like.

Friends

As mum has not been herself this past week I rang the home to check on how she was on Friday. They told me she was her usual self. I went in the next morning but found that she was still very quiet and placid which is not like mum. I took in food which she loves but she only just picked at it. We watched a movie together which she seemed to enjoy. There did not seem anything wrong but just not her usual self.

When I got home I found that one of mum's best friends had just rung from Rotorua. She was just boarding a plane to come here as her sister had died. I will need to go to the funeral to represent mum and our family. As well mum's cousin has come over from Australia and will meet mum and me for coffee while he is here. 

I do have to remind George to ensure he does his exercises but they are all ones he is capable of doing so he does realise the benefits of doing them. One of his old friends is coming round to see him so he is excited about that. This person was at school with George and then became a teacher. He taught me at high school!

There are certainly times when I am just trying to do all the things I need to do for mum and George and hoping like hell I don't forget to do it all. 

Birthday lunch

Due to the visitors we were unable to go out for lunch on George's birthday so I took him out yesterday.

I got George to do his exercises but I am going to have to nag over those until he gets into the habit.

We are going to have a look at a day club to see if George would like to go there.

Exercises

A woman from PMH came round and took George through some exercises which he is to do each day. They are all achievable and will help with posture and building strength, the challenge is to make sure he does them.

We have also had the woman round from Health Care who is trying to organise a 'friend' for George. This will be someone who will come and do things with George once a week to ensure that he has other social contact and not just me. We do not know when this will happen but hopefully sometime.

George starts a memory clinic in the first week of April. This is a five week course where they learn strategies to help with the memory loss.

Birthday

George enjoyed his birthday. He liked the cards and presents although one present hasn't arrived. I managed to get a copy of Casablanca which is in the mail - it is one of his favourites. For the day I gave him two T shirts and some Frank Sinatra movies (DVD).  He loved watching an e-card sent to him by his sister in law, on the computer and his sister, in England, sent him some books.

He also decided to go to Brighton for a hair cut late in the day and luckily he was able to get one.
Frequently when I am trying to get a meal he will come and stand at the bench making himself something to eat, like toast. Even though I tell him I am getting tea he continues to eat and so often takes a long time eating his tea... Last night when I told him that I was getting tea he looked surprised and wanted to know what the time was. I told him it was nearly six and time for the News. He thought it was still morning.

This morning he was making a coffee and put the hot water into the coffee jar instead of the coffee cups!!

The cat came back

On Sunday night it was very hot and before we went to bed we had the doors opening out to the garden. Mum's cat, Lucy, lives with us - she is an inside cat and rarely ventures outside. This night she did and she would not come in when I called her. Panic stations!! Mum asks about her frequently and I take her in to see mum regularly. I kept getting up and going out to see if I could find her. Luckily in the early hours of the morning she came to onto our bed where I found her when I woke up.

Went to mum and she was still very confused so we sat and looked at her books. She talked a lot but it was not making a lot of sense.

George has done very little all day - he did not look at the whiteboard. I think he was hoping that I would take mum to the coffee shop as he likes to meet us there. He obviously had quite a few drinks while I was out so I quickly made food for him and also a big tea. We have a lady coming to teach him exercises tomorrow.

Coffee time

George loves every 3rd Monday of the month as there is an Alzheimer's group coffee time in at the Gardens. He really enjoys it and is with others who have the same problems. I talk to the other caregivers there as well. It takes all afternoon - we got home about 4.30 and it starts at 1, some of this is because of the state our roads are still in. When we got home George said how much he had enjoyed this afternoon.

As I am trying to get tea George is making himself (he had toasted sandwiches while we were out)

• a bowl of cornflakes
• biscuits and cheese
• toast

I am not too sure why but he is certainly eating a lot (and also drinking). If I don't watch him he is likely to pour himself a wine first thing in the morning. He often fills a coffee mug with wine and counts that as one glass.

On Wednesday we have an insurance assessor coming to look at the house (probably take most of the day) plus someone coming to show George some exercises for him to do.

Confusion

We have a flat up our drive which has been rented out to tenants. The owners decided to come and live in their flat three weeks ago. It is a small one bedroom flat and the owners are a married couple with a teenage son living with them. Therefore they have put up a temporary room also on their property.

Since they have moved in George has been getting very confused as he can't see where they are living. I take him out and show him but then the next day he will again say something about them and we go through it all again. It is really strange as for most things he is pretty good but if he gets confused over something it is nigh on impossible to explain it in such a way as it stays.

Weekend outing

Went in to get mum from the home and take her out for coffee and cake (cheesecake which she loves). I find it quite difficult now to get her in and out of the car and she is finding it more difficult to understand the instructions you are giving her. To sit her down in the cafe I get her to put two hands on the table and then I put the chair behind her and lower her on to it. I then pull the table to her. She tends to flop into a chair and I worry in case she misses it!! George came and met us at the cafe as he loves going there too. He caught the bus home so it is great to keep that up.

I have to be careful when I am driving as our roads are still bad with lots of road works and with mum talking non stop and demanding answers it is difficult to concentrate. It is quite difficult to talk to her as she does not always know what she is talking about but expects you to know. She has forgotten what has happened 5 minutes before so she is really 'living in the moment'. She also expects one-on-one attention and so you have to completely devote yourself to her and what she is saying.

I must say that I retired 15 months ago in order to look after mum at home. Unfortunately mum's condition got worse very quickly and now of course I have George with Alzheimer's as well. I can't say that this is the retirement I ever imagined for myself. I had planned to spend more time with my grandchildren, do some travelling, enjoying life and other things like that - all things that now seem unlikely although I am going to Australia for a week for a family wedding. I am arranging for others to go and see mum each day while I am away. I know that she would be OK not having someone each day but not everyone knows that so it is better that I have that organised. Unfortunately also I will be away for mother's day so I will just have to have mother's day for her the Sunday before. In my position it is very easy to feel that you are the one that no one needs to worry about - therefore it is important to realise that you need to care for yourself. After the earthquake unfortunately my son and grandchildren moved to Auckland so my visions of spending more time with them did not eventuate. Everything changed so quickly - now I am here with mum and George.

I had just got home today when the people at the home rang to let me know that mum had lost colour and slumped down. They found that she was breathing heavily and had low blood pressure so that they are keeping an eye on that and will let me know if they need me to go and sit with her.

George's sister lives in England so I guess it is hard for her to know she won't see him again - he won't be able to travel over there. His son's live in Auckland and in Sydney so they would need to come here to see him. It is his birthday this week and I am pleased as I have been able to get him a copy of the DVD of Casablanca (I have got him some new clothes as well) - but I doubt that it will be here in time.

Keeping a close eye on things

George got up during the night to go to the toilet. He must have needed to go and unfortunately this morning I found a trail of wet all along the hall - out with the carpet cleaner again (I am using a lot of carpet cleaner).  He has also left two walking sticks somewhere (I think in shops in Brighton) so I am going to have to check exactly what he takes out and then check him when he comes home again - or gets in the car as was the case today - I didn't think until we got home! He is not at all worried about any of it but I cannot keep replacing things at the rate of knots!! However having said that he does worry about some things for example all his VCRs which can no longer be played.

I have also been worrying all day about taking mum out tomorrow as I do not know what frame of mind she is going to be in.  There are times when you just have to think 'well I can only do so much, I am only one person...'.

Guilt

Mum's visitor yesterday found mum very upset about being in the home and me dumping her there. Unfortunately people with Alzheimer's do not always realise that there is anything wrong with them, Mum certainly doesn't. She wants to be out of there and in her own home, she does not realise that she couldn't cope. It makes you feel very guilty at having put them into a home. She does tell me frequently about dumping her there and that she will never forgive me and while I know that it is emotional blackmail it is very difficult to deal with.  I also have to face the fact that George will reach this stage although I do not know when that will be.

I find it very difficult visiting mum when she is like this as I get quite worked up before I go. While I am with her I am on edge all the time trying to keep the conversation going about all sorts of things ready to try to pacify her when she starts telling me about 'dumping her'. When I leave her I feel worn out which is silly really as I haven't really been doing a great deal. I am also aware that mum has more visitors than most as we have organised that someone goes in to see her or take her out every day so there is not a lot more I can do.

Services

We had a physio here yesterday to look at the home environment to see if she could ensure safety and independence for George. She was quite impressed with what is here in terms of rails etc. She did suggest a walking frame to George but he was horrified and really he is nowhere near that point. She is sending him out a walking stick. She also had him stand up in various poses. She is sending out sometime who is going to show George a series of exercises to do to keep himself mobile. Guess who will have to ensure that he does the exercises daily?

Coffee time

Took mum down to Brighton to the cafe for coffee and a pavlova (with extra cream). George caught a bus and met us there. I have discussed George going on the bus with the doctor who thinks it is a great idea to encourage George to be as independent as possible for as long as possible.

At home George asked which rubbish bins needed to go out. I told him we needed to take the two yellow bins out. He went and started putting a whole lot of stuff into a green bin (for garden rubbish and food scraps) so I had to go and take it all out and sort it into the right bins. In the meantime he didn't take any bins out - I think he had forgotten what he was going to do so we went and he took one down - returning inside to reward himself with a drink, I took the other ones down...

Another doctor visit

Over the weekend I went to see mum. I took the cat in to see her as she had been telling me that the cat had died. She gets very concerned over the cat. However she had a pat on her knee and then lost interest. She was very placid and docile making me think that she had been given a pill but no it was just how she was at that time. You never really know what you are going to find until you get there.

Today George had Mark around to help him with showering and dressing which was good as we were going to the doctor for a flu shot and a B12 shot. When George dresses on his own he often puts his pyjamas back on and then other clothes on top - all sorts of odd combinations. I also took him to the local shopping centre to get a few things and we ran into a friend so went for a coffee - he loves doing this as he always gets himself a toasted egg and bacon sandwich while we are there.

Infections

The home rang last night to let me know that they are treating mum for a urine infection. I had suspected that she had one as she has been very confused. This is a problem for these people and it does lead to a lot of confusion.

Took George out with me to the Alzheimer's society this morning as I have said that I will take others in the car when I am taking him to the memory clinic etc. As soon as we got home he poured himself a drink. I am finding bottles all over the place. Although he knows it does not help his condition he is still drinking a lot.

I guess it is hard if you are not here to understand what is going with people with this disease. When you are talking to them you can often not tell that there is anything wrong. That perception would only last a short time if people were actually with them. It is not easy for those living in other places to face the reality of what is happening.

Wake up call

This morning I heard a lot of noise by my side of the bed (I had been sound asleep and woke up to the noise). George had brought me in a cup of coffee which was a lovely idea only trouble was it was 4 a.m.! I rolled over and looked at the clock. I explained to George what the time was and said that the paper would not be there yet - he already knew as he had been out several times to get it.

Dental plate finished

After several trips to get a new dental plate it was finally completed and paid for - very expensive. Now the challenge will be to see that George cleans and wears it...

George got dressed this morning and was wearing his pyjamas ready to go out. I explained to him that he needed to have a shower and put on other clothes to go out. He did that and then suddenly started to do something else. I had to explain to him again that we were going to get his plate and he needed to put on shoes not slippers. Got that done and I told him to go out to the car while I grabbed some letters to post. Off George went...

I got out to the garage to find George still standing there waiting for me - there was a plastic bag on the passenger's seat.

He now has his plate and is feeling good about that, so here's hoping.

Going out

This morning George and I went to some neighbours for morning tea. We went out to the car. If there is anything on the passenger's seat George will stand there until I remove it for him to sit down. I had a piece of paper on the seat so I removed that and we got into the car. I backed out. I need to go to the toilet says George. OK, I tell him, I will just go down to our house to pick some flowers to take with us. I opened the garage door so he could go back inside. When I got back I asked him if he had been to the toilet but he hadn't as the door was locked. In front of us was the garage door open but he had gone to go in the front door. Got him in to the toilet and then we left.

We had a nice time with the neighbours who are in a similar situation as the husband also has Alzheimer's. However when I told her about George she was telling me that her husband wears a bag. George is not that far down the track yet but I guess it will come.

It is great though to have made this connection as it gives the two of them some social interaction.

As soon as we got home George poured himself another wine. If I don't watch he will pour one early in the morning. The doctor suggested that he limit himself to two a day. George has got around this one by using a large tumbler. As the doctor said to me there is not a lot I can do about it but we can but try to encourage him to drink less.

George has gone for an afternoon sleep which does help with the alcohol consumption...

Mum's birthday

It is interesting that when I went in to see mum at the weekend she was extremely confused. She had been hitting out at staff and continually walking around. We sat quietly and had some food and drink I had taken in. The drink was raspberry which she usually loves but she really wasn't sure what it was. She also told me that her cat had died (it hasn't). All in all just really confused. We think it is one of two things

• urine infection
• excitement from the birthday and all the visitors etc

I will see how she is this week.

George is very slow at the moment and seems to feel the cold. He never goes outside without a hat and gloves on - even on a very hot day. He also likes to wear thermal underwear. Mum often complains of cold too so it seems to be something that some of them get. 

Dressing

Today George dressed himself. He took off his pyjamas and then put the top back on with a T shirt over the top and some long trousers. At about 1.30 he took off the T shirt and pants and put his dressing gown on. An hour later he put some other clothes on...

I put out some clean sheets first thing this morning (in the bedroom) ready to change the sheets on the bed when George finished dressing. I found only one sheet when I went to make the bed. I thought that I must be developing short term memory loss (thought that I must have only taken one out) and went to the linen cupboard to get the second sheet only to find it wasn't there.  I then had to search for the second one. Found it in one of George's drawers - the one for his trousers!! I also found a pair of my undies!! Got to watch that boy...

Toilet rolls

Don't ask me why but for some reason George likes to have out three or four toilet rolls at a time. There is one on the wall for people to use but he also has several others that he uses. He keeps these on top of the toilet cistern and uses about three quarters of each roll before turning his attention to another roll!!

We have now been told to get any valuables out of our house as it will be coming down some time and when they decide to do it you get no notice. Unfortunately it is a huge job and although I have been gradually doing things there is just so much. George has been a hoarder all his life. We have old garages where we can put the things we want to keep but I need to get a lot of old stuff out to the dump first. George tries to help by getting things outside over by our house and leaving them there. I then have to put them away again as it is always stuff we need to keep and if I don't get them back quickly they will be ruined being left out to the elements.