Number with Alzheimer's

My mother has an old friend Helen who she went to school with. Helen did not have children and is still living alone at home but now has Alzheimer's. Since just before Christmas she has been contacting me and telling me about some of the things that have happened. She obviously needs support so I have contacted a case worker at the Alzheimer's society to try to organise some help for her. Unfortunately it is a difficult time of year to organise these things.

Today I put a DVD on for George and left a big morning tea for him.

I went and got Helen and took her to see Mum. She was shocked at how Mum has deteriorated. Mum was asleep for most of the visit but drank her milkshake and so did Helen drink the one I got her. Helen had taken in a present and was trying to waken mum to open it without any luck. Mum did open her eyes at one point and reach out to stroke Helen's hair and face so I think there was a glimmer of recognition.

On the way home I took Helen shopping. As with George this takes a long time. Helen has a lot of difficulty with her ATM card but with me there to help we managed it.

I talked to Helen the whole time about how having someone to help and/or support would just make her life easier. Until she gets some help I will obviously have to ring and check and go and take her shopping - she does have some trouble answering the phone I have found (same as Mum and George) and obviously holds the wrong end to her ear at times.

Raced home to get George some food and for me to face the mess here.

Staying in your home town has definite disadvantages!

Christmas Day

I think that I was successful in making Mum and George happy for Christmas Day.

My highlight was Skyping and watching my grandchildren opening their presents, wonderful.

I took George to the home with me with Mum. He ate two Christmas lunches!! I did not have Christmas dinner as I am not able to cope with eating in the home; just watching them feeding puts me completely off food. George enjoyed them. Mum was awake and wanting attention so she was very happy with all the attention lavished on her. I had got her a lot of bits and pieces which we looked at and I talked about them. I also took in a whole lot of Christmas trees with little lights in to put on the tables for the residents to look at - they all love them. Mum ate her lunch with obvious enjoyment so that was good.

One of the things I bought her was a little hand held massager which I ran up and down her arms which she also enjoyed. We were with her for about 3 - 4 hours so she got lots of attention. I also took in presents from our family for some of the caregivers - they really like to get these. One of the caregivers I do not particularly like but gave her one as I felt it was diplomatic.

I have had castors put on Mum's lazyboy chair so she can use that one rather than the ones in the home as hers is so much better.

We called in briefly to see some friends of mine and then came home.

George was thrilled to hear from all of his sons that night; one via Skype and the other two via phone.. One had just moved into his new home and had George's ex there for Christmas so George was also able to talk to her. George is so pleased he is financially secure with a new house and lots of overseas travel.

Mum and George both seemed to enjoy their day.

Christmas

I always loved Christmas, it was a really special time for me and, like dad, I always felt it was the time for families to be together.

Unfortunately I have found over the years that it has lost it's meaning for me. I think it started the Christmas when dad was dying. I found it very hard and I tried so hard to make his Christmas as special as I could. Of course the following year was also extremely sad as it was the first year without him and I knew it would be difficult for mum. I tried my best to make it happy for her. Luckily my son was there also to help with the Christmas feeling so it was not all on me.

Some years before he died dad went and got me a special gold and crystal bracelet for Christmas which I loved. Unfortunately someone was helping me tidy up and threw it and some other jewellery out. It was my fault as I had taken it away and just put it in a plastic shopping bag as I thought that no one would expect to find jewellery in something like that (safe??? I thought). I left it on top of a case in the garage so I would know where it was. I just hope that he knows how much it meant to me and how devastated I was to lose it. I have found that I have lost so much with others 'helping' and not asking me about some of the things. Someone else wanted their son to live in our old house and said that they would help me with the clearing out. A hell of a lot of stuff was just thrown out and I was horrified to find that a pommel off an historic fencing foil was thrown out. I have the foil, the cockle and the pommel together on a couch and when I went to get them found that the cockle and foil had been moved and the pommel thrown out!! Those are just two of the instances of important stuff going out as others do not have a clue of their value. I can't say anything as people think that they are doing the right thing. When I asked about the pommel I was asked how was she to know and she was sure she wouldn't have thrown it out!! That is the same with the jewellery. Neither has turned up.

Five years later my son and his family moved here and we had three lovely Christmas's which was so wonderful being able to go to his home to be there when the children opened their presents.

Two of George's sons has sent him a Christmas card. I ensure that both Mum and George  have presents and I try to make them feel special and I help them open them.

How much either George or mum now understand about Christmas I do not know but again it is something I do my best to ensure that they are able to enjoy something. I hope that when dad is looking down at least that is one thing he approves of that I am doing.

This is just because I often find my life is lived in a vacuum. I am also aware of the large number of people who have very little at Christmas time due to their financial circumstances and others who are dealing with a death. Tonight on the News we heard about someone dying due to a bar fight. Imagine the Christmas his family is having. Others are killed in traffic accidents. I just hope that others stay safe and have a lovely family time.

Trying to keep this place tidy

Over the last fortnight I have been flat out getting George to all the places he wants to go, going to see Mum and trying to get parcels away for Xmas. Unfortunately one of the people who go to see mum has not been in for a fortnight so I have gone to see her on those days too.

The house and gardens do not get done properly. Today I thought I would do that and stay home!! George likes to go out every day for a  coffee and something to eat. When he is like this it is easier to do it although that takes one to two hours. We went down this morning and I have been trying to put things away. He continually gets more out. I often feel like I am going round in circles.

I had clothes ready for the new week yesterday. I now find two clean shirts are gone!! He put them both on as pyjama shirts last night. I have tidied out his wardrobe and drawers again today and he had two pyjama shirts hanging up as shirts. I do put his pyjamas on but that does not mean he will stay in those each night.

Going going gone...

Something that is really difficult and time consuming to deal with is things going missing.

Yesterday George caught the bus home from Brighton. I was not there when he got home. The next day he needed his stick. I spent ages looking for it. Nowhere to be found. I have rung the bus company but no luck. He later showed me a parcel that he had bought. This happened while I was getting tea. I told him to put it into the bedroom. This afternoon he wanted it. Again I have spent a long time looking for it with no luck.

While I was looking I found two pairs of pyjama pants stuffed up into the top of the wardrobe, I had been looking for these s I guess that is something.

Toilet issues

Last night George urinated all over the bathroom floor so that was my first job this morning. The toilet seat and the floor in the toilet have poo skids all over, second job! I now find that there are poo marks on the duvet, guess what the third job is and wouldn't  you know it, it is raining today.

I have to go to mum today. This morning I am having flowers delivered to her so I hope she enjoys them. I have also bought two big vases for the flowers. This afternoon I also have to go back to the home as they are having a family afternoon. My day is full on although I will go out and find somewhere to park and reds for a while. Some people may think I am lazy but I find that I have to be very adaptable and I spend a lot of time just cleaning up after George which most people don't realise. Other careers have the same problems!

Toilet paper

I still haven't worked out what he does with it....

Toilet paper; I took a new roll into the toilet this morning. Next time I went in there 3/4 of the roll was gone. I tend to buy a lot of toilet paper.

At the moment Mum is sleeping during the day and awake at night. One of the people I usually get to go in didn't go in this week (ear ache one day and having new carpet laid on another) so I went in for the extra times as we are trying to get her awake during the day so she sleeps at night. Apparently she lies and chats away to herself. Maybe she is seeing her family at this time, I do not know.

Today I went to mum while George was visited with a friend and then I picked him up. He loves gossiping with others. Today they talked about the 1972 rugby tour George was on.

Made it

I did make it to the prison in time and so have been inducted to be a volunteer out there which was a relief.

George went to Brighton on his own yesterday and safely got there and back using the right bus stops so that was a relief too. He likes to be able to do this and I don't want to have to stop him just yet.

Today at his club I found out that another man he has made a close friend of has now gone into permanent care which George will find sad. I am not telling him as the two of them have been gravitating to each other for some time and look for each other. His wife is applying for a Government subsidy but if she does not qualify for it she will need to bring him home. They set up family trusts some years ago and she is hoping that she has it right. I will be interested in how she gets on. We will never qualify which is a worry as the partner still has to live and pay their own bills. What you are left with is very little. You can have:

a house
a car
up to 115000 in investments or in the bank

Not a lot when you consider that as well as the fees for the home there are a lot of extras that they need. It costs me quite a lot each month for mum. In addition you have the running of your own home and car as well as a standard of living. On this there is not a lot for any luxuries and certainly travel would be out of the agenda.

Of course this is what a couple can have left. For a single person it is minus the house and car. We are very lucky that Mum was living in her flat as had she still been in her original home everything would have had to be sold and then the money used for her care which of course would mean that the capital would rapidly deplete.

Time for me

I do try to have time for things I would like to do but it is easy to say but the reality is a bit different. Other people have very interesting ideas about how I can manage juggling all this. For example I have volunteered to go to the prison to teach reading. (It is something I believe in doing and I think that everyone who is able to should give back something to the community through voluntary work.)

The induction is this week and they will not let you in if you are late. There is no flexibility for the day or the time.  I will be cutting it very fine as I also have to work around the caregiver and then drop George at his club before setting out for the prison... If I don't get there in time I will have to withdraw as this is the only time that they run these sessions. This is the sort of thing that happens that makes me very aware of how alone I am and how everyone else's needs come first. Unfortunately all our friends work and I no longer have any family here so I do not have anyone to call on to help.

Today I went tot the home to spend time with mum. I dropped George in Brighton so he go for a coffee and morning tea. He caught up bus home but got lost in Rocking Horse Road. Luckily someone I knew saw him and brought him home. I am going to have to try to stop him going on the bus. It looks like I may not be able to leave him on his own at all.

Sleeping and eating

Although George is not to the same point as Mum he spends a lot of time eating and sleeping.

I need to get him breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and tea. He will also look around for supper.

He often goes to sleep on the couch.

This morning when he got up he had on, a hat, two jerseys (inside out) and a pair of undies. He came into the lounge looking for socks. I just leave him and it gets sorted when he has his shower. Instead of saying anything I get his medication, coffee and breakfast.

Don't sweat the little stuff.