Best laid plans

The best laid plans of mice and men

You will have heard the phrase and ...

On Wednesday was the first prison visit and I was to meet a co-ordinator at 9.30 at the prison gate and the first session was for 10. In order to get there by 9.30 I needed to leave home at 8.30.

George's caregiver is due that morning at 8.

Just before 8 I went to the toilet to find a lake in there!! Clean up time straight away.

Next problem - caregiver late and arrived at 8.25!! Got him organised and left.

Next problem - got to a round about which a lot of vehicles have to use with people travelling to work and/or school. A flat decked truck (rather beaten up) was carrying a load of scrap metal going round the round about. As it circled round the metal went all over the road. The truck stopped in the round about and two men alighted and picked up the metal while cars banked up on all four roads leading to the round about. After 10 minutes we were able to go.

Got to the prison just on 9.30 and went to the gate house to meet the co-ordinator. 9.45 he still had not shown up. I went to the counter and asked for them to ring him and find out where he was. He came over - he had the wrong time down.

Got the area where I was to do the literacy work and had just sat down when a phone call came through; the prisoner refused to come!!

Back we went to the co-ordinator's office to find out what was happening. Finally it was arranged that I take it at 11 that day rather than 10 so everything worked out in the end but talk about one stress after another.

While I am away someone takes George out for a walk and then they get a coffee and something to eat. We then get home about the same time.

Although it was a stressful day due to unforeseen circumstances it gives me a chance to do something for someone else which will hopefully be useful. Doing voluntary work for others makes people feel good about themselves.

Prison

When you are the only person living in a house caring for someone with Alzheimer's it can be rather lonely and you do not have the contact with others to the same extent. Tomorrow I am starting a course to teach a prisoner literacy skills. I am a believer that people should give back, through voluntary work, to the community. I do some voluntary work with the Alzheimer's group but would rather do work in other areas as well. As my background is in teaching this work will fit in well. I am hoping that it is of benefit for the prisoner and of course it will also benefit me as I feel that I am doing something worthwhile for somebody else.

Little things

Something that most people would not realise are all the little things that a career needs to do and to think about including cleaning a razor - I had never taken one apart to clean but I think I am now pretty good at it. Another thing I need to do is to cut his finger and toe nails. George no longer copes with lots of things like this which I have to do. Luckily he has someone coming five days a week for a showere and to dress him but I undress him each day and put his onesie on which is not the easiest task in the world and takes me some time. Obviously I dress him two mornings a week.

Visit

George had a lovely visit from his grandson this week. He stayed for a few days which was lovely for George. Luckily he didn't wake early of a morning so didn't have too many confronting behaviours. I took them out quite a lot and they enjoyed each others company. George is better with one on one conversation so I left them to that quite a bit. It was a nice break from our ordinary routine.

Divorce

 Not sure how things work in Aussi re being funded while living in a Home. Here it is very strict and the rules are clear so that the person has to have little money left before the Government steps in. This can make it difficult for partners still living at home. Here also the Government can go back through your affairs for 7 years to see where your money has gone and they go through it with a fine tooth comb.

I have heard of two people in Aussi who have divorced their spouse with Alzheimer's which somehow helps with the cost of their care in a home. It certainly doesn't work here.

George is excited as his grandson is coming to visit for a few days. I hope that he doesn't find it too difficult. He loves any contact with his family.

George is often very slow with his speech and takes a very long time searching for the word he wants. He always seems better on Thursday afternoon as that is the day some other elderly men go to his club and he loves to chat with them.

Lost

At the weekend I took George down to the shop with me - he likes to go. When we got home I was unpacking groceries. He then wanted me to do something. From experience I have learnt to stop whatever I am doing and attend to his needs before any thing else. I did this and then having got side-tracked did not complete unpacking groceries. Later when I went to do this guess what? A bag was missing. I have been searching for it ever since!! George has no idea what happened to it. God only knows what George has done with it and he  won't tell me. Unfortunately there is a perishable item in the bag!!

Internet

The internet is a life line for carers. It is great to be able to keep in touch with friends and family via email and Skype. Hearing about the normal things they are doing is nice. Unfortunately my life is so organised around George and to a lesser extent Mum that there is not much I can tell them about my life although I do try to keep everyone informed. I always try to have a coffee with someone each week, so nice to chat to someone about any old thing...

George is up and down at the moment. Last night his language just didn't make much sense although he is much better today. Yesterday he wet his clothes 3 times but today he has been great. - just remember to deal with things one day at a time - the sun will shine...

George's grandson is coming to stay so I hope that he is going through an 'up' period then.

Phone call

George was talking on the phone today to an old friend who has Parkinson's. Neither of them made much sense. His friend asked to speak to me and said 'George can't speak properly'

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

It is interesting as George does not really realise that he is any different and thinks that he can manage things well. Like Mum he was not diagnosed in the early stages so never really understood about any of it. His friend by way of contrast was diagnosed early on with Parkinson's and is well aware that it will get worse and is obviously quite depressed. Another part of this will be the friend's wife just treats him as she always has and does not admit that anything is wrong with him which makes it more difficult for him. George on the other hand is included and feels quite normal.

Foaming

George usually uses an electric shaver but not always that well. Sometimes one of the carers will give him a shave using a razor. I have shaving foam in a can for this. George found it and obviously didn't know what it was and so pressed the button a few times; result shaving foam all over the vanity unit!!

Isolation

What a week. A neighbour was devastated when her sister died last weekend. I comforted her, baked biscuits and corn cases and fed the cat while they were away to go to the funeral. Another neighbour has just found out that there is no more work for him with his old firm. It has been a very hard time for people here as just when you think things are getting better something else comes along. I guess we are all noticing it as we all have so many issues still from the earthquakes which were 3 and a half years ago. It must be something in the water.

George has been confused all week - he is compliant which is a relief - and needs to be told exactly what to do - almost like giving commands sometimes. He does try to please but - the caregiver one morning told him to go the toilet and wipe his bottom. He did and went into the bathroom with the soiled toilet paper for the caregiver.

Something I find extremely hard to deal with and I know a lot of other caregivers also do is the isolation we often feel. Those who are not in the same situation are pretty good at telling you what you should do but the reality is really quite different. You tend to find that most of the day is tied up with doing things with or for the person you are caring for. When no other family members are here there is no one to celebrate your birthday with or Christmas. We try to make the people we are caring for feel special at these times but there is no one to make you feel special. As someone said to me you have to do it yourself. When you are just on your own it rather takes any fun out of it. Some caregivers do have family around who will come and stay with the person they care for, for example I know of someone who went with her girlfriends on a cruise while family members cared for her husband. I rely on the respite care I am given from the government which I need to use carefully. I have been told it is like looking after a small child but that actually is not true. Many mothers have grandparents or friends who can look after their children for a time this is generally not true with elderly dementia patients.