Keep calm...
As I say to George "don't worry, be happy".
On Monday a community nurse came to put a new catheter in for George and unfortunately botched the job. No urine came out of the catheter during the afternoon, only blood! We ending up spending a lot of the night in the hospital getting things sorted. When things like this don't hesitate, as a carer it is important that you ensure that things are going well.
This sort of thing causes upheaval to the running of your lives and although I have kept George to routine as much as possible I have also been mindful of the situation and we have been very quiet today. The trick is to remain calm as if you appear stressed it will not help the situation but in fact make matters worse.
I have also let the powers that be know about the situation. It is important that the professionals dealing with these people do a good job and do not try to trivialize the seriousness of it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Duvet
As I mentioned in another post I learnt how to put the duvet into the duvet cover. Here is a video showing how to do it.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Another learning curve
In 2010 came our first big earthquake followed in February 2011 by another when there was a loss of many lives and destruction of our city. Between these two major earthquakes ( 4 months ) I had made the change to retire early to look after my mother then my mother suffered a sacral fracture
The earthquake destroyed our house and a lot of the contents.
Before she got Alzheimer's Mum ensured that everyone knew what she wanted to have left in her estate. As one of those with an EPA and the only one here I knew that I would need to financially look after her as well as her own income in order to pay for the home, ensure that the estate was as she wanted and that I provide the best level of quality of life for her that I could.
Then came the second earthquake where I lost my home and many possessions. I was just so relieved that everyone here was OK and felt that possessions meant very little.
It was at this time that I became aware that George too had Alzheimer's.
I also felt really relieved as my sisters and I had an agreement that the money I spent here on my mother they would use an equivalent share over in Australia to buy Xmas and birthday presents for their families from me and in return things I did here was from the three of us. It was great knowing that they had plenty to buy some great gifts for them, their children and grandchildren each year. This was important to me as it meant that the families all knew I thought of them at special times and family is important to me.
I admit that initially I just panicked as I knew that I no longer had a source of income to sustain all this but in a strange way the earthquake gave me the perspective to know what was important so I ensured that Mum had the best quality of life she could have under the circumstances and was able to ensure that her estate was actually in a better situation than she expected.
What made me think of this? Well I have just been reading an article discussing some research about rich people and how they perceive money. It was very interesting and certainly made some valid points such as many of these people lack empathy for the plight of others and feel that everyone can be in their position if they only worked harder...
The research also found that the wealthy are more likely to cheat and lie.
I admit that initially I was very worried about my own future and how I would manage as I knew it was my investments that I was eating into. These of course I had saved for my retirement. However after I got over thinking of my future I decided it was more important to give the two of them the best quality of life I could and let the future take care of itself. I am so pleased I did. I know that I carried out Mum's wishes during her illness and in death to the best of my ability and morally that was important to my well-being as well as knowing she would have been pleased.
The earthquake destroyed our house and a lot of the contents.
Before she got Alzheimer's Mum ensured that everyone knew what she wanted to have left in her estate. As one of those with an EPA and the only one here I knew that I would need to financially look after her as well as her own income in order to pay for the home, ensure that the estate was as she wanted and that I provide the best level of quality of life for her that I could.
Then came the second earthquake where I lost my home and many possessions. I was just so relieved that everyone here was OK and felt that possessions meant very little.
It was at this time that I became aware that George too had Alzheimer's.
I also felt really relieved as my sisters and I had an agreement that the money I spent here on my mother they would use an equivalent share over in Australia to buy Xmas and birthday presents for their families from me and in return things I did here was from the three of us. It was great knowing that they had plenty to buy some great gifts for them, their children and grandchildren each year. This was important to me as it meant that the families all knew I thought of them at special times and family is important to me.
I admit that initially I just panicked as I knew that I no longer had a source of income to sustain all this but in a strange way the earthquake gave me the perspective to know what was important so I ensured that Mum had the best quality of life she could have under the circumstances and was able to ensure that her estate was actually in a better situation than she expected.
The research also found that the wealthy are more likely to cheat and lie.
I admit that initially I was very worried about my own future and how I would manage as I knew it was my investments that I was eating into. These of course I had saved for my retirement. However after I got over thinking of my future I decided it was more important to give the two of them the best quality of life I could and let the future take care of itself. I am so pleased I did. I know that I carried out Mum's wishes during her illness and in death to the best of my ability and morally that was important to my well-being as well as knowing she would have been pleased.
Money is not as important as you may think.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Developing empathy and understanding
Yesterday I went to a seminar at Alzheimer's Society on legal issues relating to caregivers and what they need to ensure are in place. Of course this varies from country to country ( in some places from state to state ).
Before the seminar began a group of us were chatting. While I do not have any family members willing or able to spend a night or two ( or longer ) others do. This woman was telling us about their daughter who has frequent contact with them but is a bit of a control freak and of tens tells her mother that she is imagining the problems or tells her what she should be doing - the type who is always right. Anyway for the first time she recently s told her mother she would come and stay for the night and sort it out. Wisely the mother went and slept at the daughter's flat. The daughter thought this would be a walk in the park!
Early next morning daughter rang and woke her mother up. She told Mum to come home...
Mum told her that was not the deal and she wasn't coming home until 10 a.m.
Daughter left that day with greater understanding about Alzheimer's and greater empathy for her mother. Prior to this experience she thought she knew all about it.
Before the seminar began a group of us were chatting. While I do not have any family members willing or able to spend a night or two ( or longer ) others do. This woman was telling us about their daughter who has frequent contact with them but is a bit of a control freak and of tens tells her mother that she is imagining the problems or tells her what she should be doing - the type who is always right. Anyway for the first time she recently s told her mother she would come and stay for the night and sort it out. Wisely the mother went and slept at the daughter's flat. The daughter thought this would be a walk in the park!
Early next morning daughter rang and woke her mother up. She told Mum to come home...
Mum told her that was not the deal and she wasn't coming home until 10 a.m.
Daughter left that day with greater understanding about Alzheimer's and greater empathy for her mother. Prior to this experience she thought she knew all about it.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Another thing I have learnt...
Empathy and understanding...
Caregivers will find that these are often sadly lacking for those with Alzheimer's as it is such a difficult disease to deal with. Some in the medical profession have made it an area of specialty but not many. The same may be said of nurses. A patient with Alzheimer's who has to go into hospital often deteriorates over this time due to the lack of understanding with how to deal with the patient who is so confused and becomes more so often resulting in anxieties which may not have been present before.
Friends and family try to be supportive but often at a distance. Many just want to 'remember the person as they were' and would rather not have a lot to do with the person or limited contact. This does not necessarily mean they don't care but just that they don't know how to react or sometimes simply that they have other things going on in their lives so don't want to deal with it. Others are frightened of the disease due to a lack of understanding of the disease. Of course this is not everyone but unfortunately it does include a large number of the population. Part of this is due to ignorance. It is a disease that is difficult to understand as it is not the same for any two people. I found my young grandson who stayed earlier this year was actually the best. He is 8 years old and just treated everything as being normal especially his dealings with George, they just continued as normal and George really responded to that.
I often find things vary from day to day while at other times from hour to hour. Strangely enough you will also get people who think that they know more about how to manage your life than you do. As it is impossible to know as it changes so frequently this advice rarely holds water. From bitter experience I have learnt not to argue or discuss it but to let them give the advice and feel that they have done their bit and then just go on to manage to fit the situation. Until you actually live with someone with Alzheimer's for a prolonged period of time you actually have no idea. It is no wonder that caregivers can become isolated as often it is only people in the same situation that can understand what it is like and others really don't want to know.
Many people try and have a conversation with a person with Alzheimer's and they treat them as a child. This comes out as condescending and is not appreciated by the person, they do know and do want to be treated as a normal human being. Mum used to get very frustrated with people treating her like this.
Best way to deal with people is to smile, don't argue and let a lot of the advice roll over you although do listen as some ideas may have merit.
Caregivers will find that these are often sadly lacking for those with Alzheimer's as it is such a difficult disease to deal with. Some in the medical profession have made it an area of specialty but not many. The same may be said of nurses. A patient with Alzheimer's who has to go into hospital often deteriorates over this time due to the lack of understanding with how to deal with the patient who is so confused and becomes more so often resulting in anxieties which may not have been present before.
Friends and family try to be supportive but often at a distance. Many just want to 'remember the person as they were' and would rather not have a lot to do with the person or limited contact. This does not necessarily mean they don't care but just that they don't know how to react or sometimes simply that they have other things going on in their lives so don't want to deal with it. Others are frightened of the disease due to a lack of understanding of the disease. Of course this is not everyone but unfortunately it does include a large number of the population. Part of this is due to ignorance. It is a disease that is difficult to understand as it is not the same for any two people. I found my young grandson who stayed earlier this year was actually the best. He is 8 years old and just treated everything as being normal especially his dealings with George, they just continued as normal and George really responded to that.
I often find things vary from day to day while at other times from hour to hour. Strangely enough you will also get people who think that they know more about how to manage your life than you do. As it is impossible to know as it changes so frequently this advice rarely holds water. From bitter experience I have learnt not to argue or discuss it but to let them give the advice and feel that they have done their bit and then just go on to manage to fit the situation. Until you actually live with someone with Alzheimer's for a prolonged period of time you actually have no idea. It is no wonder that caregivers can become isolated as often it is only people in the same situation that can understand what it is like and others really don't want to know.
Many people try and have a conversation with a person with Alzheimer's and they treat them as a child. This comes out as condescending and is not appreciated by the person, they do know and do want to be treated as a normal human being. Mum used to get very frustrated with people treating her like this.
Best way to deal with people is to smile, don't argue and let a lot of the advice roll over you although do listen as some ideas may have merit.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Things I am learning
Being a caregiver for a loved one is a lonely job and you often tend to become quite isolated. Something that is very important is to appreciate the small things. At the moment I am looking after monarch butterfly caterpillars. Our weather is still very mild (and it is winter) so eggs have been laid far to late. I tend to these wee caterpillars twice a day and make sure that they are OK - I even talk to them.
Enjoy nature!
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