Wow, we had a great day and night. I took George out for about 4 hours yesterday and also out to feed a neighbour's cat. One of the things we did while we were out was to put freesias on my mum's grave. These were a favourite flower of hers. We went near my childhood home and fed the ducks. A little girl came along and shared the bread to feed the ducks. I can't say the weather was good but it wasn't raining. I must have tired him out and he did not wake during the night - a first for a very long time. He woke this morning 'full of fluffy ducks' and seems happy and relaxed (fingers crossed).
It takes a lot of time to do this sort of thing but I guess it is worth it. Not a lot done at home!!
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Monday, September 21, 2015
Next crisis
This morning there was very little urine in George's catheter. I had to call the district health nurse as we had arranged to have the catheter changed on Friday and this needed to be done immediately or the kidneys can start to pack up. The nurse arrived and tried to flush it out but no joy so between the two of us we changed the catheter. Luckily that worked with me distracting and relaxing him while she did it. Really the two of us managed extremely well. I know it doesn't sound much but it all took the whole morning so he has not gone to his club today.
Last night during the sun downing he went out to the garage and started bring stuff inside such as a spare kettle and some other stuff. I was unable to distract him as he had some strange agenda going on so it is easier to let him go otherwise he thinks he is doing something wrong and he tries so hard to do things right. After he went to bed I sorted it out.
Last night during the sun downing he went out to the garage and started bring stuff inside such as a spare kettle and some other stuff. I was unable to distract him as he had some strange agenda going on so it is easier to let him go otherwise he thinks he is doing something wrong and he tries so hard to do things right. After he went to bed I sorted it out.
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Sundowning
George has started to sundown in early evening. I have found the best way to deal with this is to have a routine to have the evening meal and then a small break followed by ice cream. He is happy once he gets to bed with a movie so I try to time everything to dove tail with the times the caregivers arrive. Unfortunately this is not always possible when they are late (up to an hour) so I try to keep him occupied (not always easy). We get there.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Dancing
I have seen that music and dancing are two things that most of those with Alzheimer's enjoy and participate in to a greater or lesser degree depending on what they are able to do.
Two years ago I took George to a afternoon with dancing followed by a high tea. George loved it. Here he is dancing with a school friend of Mum's who also has Alzheimer's. I was reminded of this when I picked him up from the club on Thursday. He had had a wonderful day. They had arranged a singer during the afternoon and many of them (including George) had danced the afternoon away.
Unfortunately he is starting to get frustrated with the language as he has lost so many words and is finding it hard for others to understand what he is talking about. For someone to whom language was such an important part of their lives this must be very frightening.
Two years ago I took George to a afternoon with dancing followed by a high tea. George loved it. Here he is dancing with a school friend of Mum's who also has Alzheimer's. I was reminded of this when I picked him up from the club on Thursday. He had had a wonderful day. They had arranged a singer during the afternoon and many of them (including George) had danced the afternoon away.Unfortunately he is starting to get frustrated with the language as he has lost so many words and is finding it hard for others to understand what he is talking about. For someone to whom language was such an important part of their lives this must be very frightening.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Catheters
Yesterday a nurse came to the house to change George's leg bag (this is done weekly). Unfortunately she did not push the bag into the catheter tubing properly resulting in them coming apart during the night; result - another wet bed so I had to quickly take all his clothes off, clean him up and put some new clothes on until the caregiver arrived a couple of hours later. Three loads of washing for him today.
His bed must be the cleanest and most aired bed around
Today I had coffee with a relative from Australia who was in a similar situation. We were discussing the cost of rest homes. Much cheaper over there. Here the cost of keeping one person in a home is the total salary a teacher with a minimum of 14 years experience and in a senior position gets. This is just the very lowest basic rate and then other things are also required. This is a lot and then of course, for me, I still have to live. Unfortunately that is impossible so he won't be able to go into a rest home unless something radical happens. Luckily he is still compliant and non aggressive. Mum's fees were paid for but had I not gifted and paid for so much her estate would have depleted down to the threshold for a subsidy but had this happened I would have failed her and the family.
I guess I could go back to work to pay for this but I would now have to retrain in accordance with the new regulations and all the money would just be going straight to the rest home. Teachers, I also feel, have their 'use by date'. I used to see lots of them who were still in the classroom long after they should have been but they were still working because they had to as they needed the money. This is not good for the children in their classrooms and I have no wish to become one of them.
We do have a govt subsidy here but you need to have a very low level of assets and no extra income to get this. My super puts it out of my reach. My advice to others is to spend or put things into a trust when you are very young. We are taught to save for our retirement and then you spend it all on keeping others in rest homes, seems very wrong. I admit that this was not on my radar and I do feel envy for others I see able to travel and enjoy their families and their lives in retirement. However we just have to make the best of what the cards deal us.
His bed must be the cleanest and most aired bed around
Today I had coffee with a relative from Australia who was in a similar situation. We were discussing the cost of rest homes. Much cheaper over there. Here the cost of keeping one person in a home is the total salary a teacher with a minimum of 14 years experience and in a senior position gets. This is just the very lowest basic rate and then other things are also required. This is a lot and then of course, for me, I still have to live. Unfortunately that is impossible so he won't be able to go into a rest home unless something radical happens. Luckily he is still compliant and non aggressive. Mum's fees were paid for but had I not gifted and paid for so much her estate would have depleted down to the threshold for a subsidy but had this happened I would have failed her and the family.
I guess I could go back to work to pay for this but I would now have to retrain in accordance with the new regulations and all the money would just be going straight to the rest home. Teachers, I also feel, have their 'use by date'. I used to see lots of them who were still in the classroom long after they should have been but they were still working because they had to as they needed the money. This is not good for the children in their classrooms and I have no wish to become one of them.
We do have a govt subsidy here but you need to have a very low level of assets and no extra income to get this. My super puts it out of my reach. My advice to others is to spend or put things into a trust when you are very young. We are taught to save for our retirement and then you spend it all on keeping others in rest homes, seems very wrong. I admit that this was not on my radar and I do feel envy for others I see able to travel and enjoy their families and their lives in retirement. However we just have to make the best of what the cards deal us.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Being organised
I often feel very unorganised but the reality is that you need to be super organised if you are a caregiver. Your day revolves around everyone else-
George has a caregiver to shower him each morning. This is about 9 am on Monday/Tuesday and Friday, on Wednesday and Thursday it is 8 am and during the weekend it is 10 am. Caregivers are often up to an hour late. You need to have everything ready for them, the catheter emptied and to be there in case they need something during this time.
His night caregiver arrives at 6.30 pm during the week and 7 pm on weekends. This means that he needs dinner before then and his catheter emptied as well as everything organised.
The health nurse comes on Monday to change the catheter bag, this can be at any time.... The things need to be ready for her (I keep all this stuff in a storage box).
Each of the caregivers has their own way of doing things and so you need to cater for these. I find that each thing he does during the day means that I have to have out the clothes/shoes that others find suitable for whatever it is. I must write all this down as I keep all this information in my head and so no one else can do it - really there is no one else who is going to so I guess it doesn't really matter that much. However carers do need to realise just how much time and effort that they need to put in to ensure all these things are organised.
George has a caregiver to shower him each morning. This is about 9 am on Monday/Tuesday and Friday, on Wednesday and Thursday it is 8 am and during the weekend it is 10 am. Caregivers are often up to an hour late. You need to have everything ready for them, the catheter emptied and to be there in case they need something during this time.
His night caregiver arrives at 6.30 pm during the week and 7 pm on weekends. This means that he needs dinner before then and his catheter emptied as well as everything organised.
The health nurse comes on Monday to change the catheter bag, this can be at any time.... The things need to be ready for her (I keep all this stuff in a storage box).
Each of the caregivers has their own way of doing things and so you need to cater for these. I find that each thing he does during the day means that I have to have out the clothes/shoes that others find suitable for whatever it is. I must write all this down as I keep all this information in my head and so no one else can do it - really there is no one else who is going to so I guess it doesn't really matter that much. However carers do need to realise just how much time and effort that they need to put in to ensure all these things are organised.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
A Day in the life of a caregiver....
Each morning I have to make sure that everything the caregiver needs to shower and dress George are all there ready. The clothes in George's bedroom are for him to rummage through as I cannot guarantee that I can find anything in there as he pulls stuff out and moves it round. It is rare to find two shoes or two socks.
I need to get him up and give him breakfast and a coffee and chat to him before the caregiver comes. This takes up to an hour so that he is a bit more alert. After the caregiver goes I may need to take him somewhere or do something with him. Monday the health nurse visits, Tuesday and Thursday he goes to his club, Friday is memory clinic, Wednesday a lady takes him out for a walk and coffee ( I pay for this).
George's club; it is about 10.30 when I get him there and I pick him up at 2.30. Sounds great but takes me half an hour to get back home so a lot of time is spent travelling.
Each morning I need to check the bed to see if it needs changing. Yesterday morning the bed was soiled. Three loads of washing yesterday.
I need to ensure that George is eating and drinking as he needs it. With the catheter he needs to drink quite a lot and he is not keen on water (rather have wine). I am constantly getting him fed and watered.
I need to get him up and give him breakfast and a coffee and chat to him before the caregiver comes. This takes up to an hour so that he is a bit more alert. After the caregiver goes I may need to take him somewhere or do something with him. Monday the health nurse visits, Tuesday and Thursday he goes to his club, Friday is memory clinic, Wednesday a lady takes him out for a walk and coffee ( I pay for this).
George's club; it is about 10.30 when I get him there and I pick him up at 2.30. Sounds great but takes me half an hour to get back home so a lot of time is spent travelling.
Each morning I need to check the bed to see if it needs changing. Yesterday morning the bed was soiled. Three loads of washing yesterday.
I need to ensure that George is eating and drinking as he needs it. With the catheter he needs to drink quite a lot and he is not keen on water (rather have wine). I am constantly getting him fed and watered.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Father's Day
For George today it is Father's Day. I took him down to a cafe for Father's Day, now I know we go 2 or 3 times each week but I tried to make it special.
After Dad died I made a special effort for Mum for all the 'special days', especially Christmas and her birthday as I was the only one here to do so. It was great when the grandchildren were also here as that really makes those times, having children around.
Now of course it is the same with George. Yesterday he got a card from one son and a phone call from the other son. I will also try to contact the third son for him soon. He really loves to feel that his sons care. I admit it is really difficult when there is no family around and all your old friends have died or left your city. You need to think of nice ways to make it special and maybe make new traditions.
After Dad died I made a special effort for Mum for all the 'special days', especially Christmas and her birthday as I was the only one here to do so. It was great when the grandchildren were also here as that really makes those times, having children around.
Now of course it is the same with George. Yesterday he got a card from one son and a phone call from the other son. I will also try to contact the third son for him soon. He really loves to feel that his sons care. I admit it is really difficult when there is no family around and all your old friends have died or left your city. You need to think of nice ways to make it special and maybe make new traditions.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Keeping occupied
This has got to a stage where it can be difficult for George. He can get tired quite quickly although he still loves a chat.
On Thursday night his cousin who is 102 rang. She has just gone into a home but was living in her own home until quite recently. She has a lot of extended family around who have all contributed to making this happen but now she needs a greater level of care however the family all visit regularly and take her out. My sister with her in laws was in a similar situation until her mother-in-law died recently. Now the family have all focused on visiting her father-in-law and for visits and trips out. So lucky to have this support and of course it means that the family are all there to discuss and understand what is going on which makes such a difference. When you are the only caregiver resident you may find that others are rather critical of your efforts and of course may know what you should do or be doing. People who are not actually involved on a day to day basis really have little understanding although they think that they do. My great advice is that you can only do what is best for you and the person you are responsible for - do what you know is right and try to let all the criticism roll off you - not easy I know. You will never get an apology from these people so doing worry about it. You are also unlikely to be thanked for what you have done.
Yesterday was the 5th anniversary date of the first earthquake and since then my life has not been good. I went up onto the sand hills yesterday morning to watch the sun come up and reflect on the turns my life has taken during this time. On reading this post I guess it sounds negative and maybe it is because of this. During this time too though there have been moments of great love and certainly an appreciation of life.
On Thursday night his cousin who is 102 rang. She has just gone into a home but was living in her own home until quite recently. She has a lot of extended family around who have all contributed to making this happen but now she needs a greater level of care however the family all visit regularly and take her out. My sister with her in laws was in a similar situation until her mother-in-law died recently. Now the family have all focused on visiting her father-in-law and for visits and trips out. So lucky to have this support and of course it means that the family are all there to discuss and understand what is going on which makes such a difference. When you are the only caregiver resident you may find that others are rather critical of your efforts and of course may know what you should do or be doing. People who are not actually involved on a day to day basis really have little understanding although they think that they do. My great advice is that you can only do what is best for you and the person you are responsible for - do what you know is right and try to let all the criticism roll off you - not easy I know. You will never get an apology from these people so doing worry about it. You are also unlikely to be thanked for what you have done.
Yesterday was the 5th anniversary date of the first earthquake and since then my life has not been good. I went up onto the sand hills yesterday morning to watch the sun come up and reflect on the turns my life has taken during this time. On reading this post I guess it sounds negative and maybe it is because of this. During this time too though there have been moments of great love and certainly an appreciation of life.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Clapping time
Don't know where this one has come from but lately George claps a lot, hopefully it is to show pleasure. Catheter problems arise and I often have to change the sheets. I bless the day someone told me about the Artic sheets as they dry so quickly.
Because of George's incontinence I keep his linen separate. I also have to wash for him daily. I do a separate wash for other stuff.
He continues to deteriorate but then bounces back for a bit however the deterioration is becoming more and more. He certainly picks up when he has someone talking to him in a one on one conversation. I just have a feeling that when he needs to go into a home when our renovations and repairs are done that he will not be at a point where he can return home.
I have been really worried about the financial burden on me. I realise that I gifted one third of Mum's fees for the home as well as paying all her additional expenses needed in the home ( hip pads, shore gel, drinks, chocolate, clothes, name labels for example ) and in addition paid people to go and visit her. I also kept her car which enabled family members to use it while visiting Christchurch as well as taking holidays in the South Island. Costs for the car included warrants, registration all mechanical things as well as various other things such as batteries and repairing anything that happened etc. I did not use the car. I guess that is probably the cost of the home all up so although I will not be able to do some of the things that I thought I would do in retirement at least I should not need to use savings for all of this so should be OK. Luckily my share of the estate enabled me to recoup the savings I had to use on Mum.
Because of George's incontinence I keep his linen separate. I also have to wash for him daily. I do a separate wash for other stuff.
He continues to deteriorate but then bounces back for a bit however the deterioration is becoming more and more. He certainly picks up when he has someone talking to him in a one on one conversation. I just have a feeling that when he needs to go into a home when our renovations and repairs are done that he will not be at a point where he can return home.
I have been really worried about the financial burden on me. I realise that I gifted one third of Mum's fees for the home as well as paying all her additional expenses needed in the home ( hip pads, shore gel, drinks, chocolate, clothes, name labels for example ) and in addition paid people to go and visit her. I also kept her car which enabled family members to use it while visiting Christchurch as well as taking holidays in the South Island. Costs for the car included warrants, registration all mechanical things as well as various other things such as batteries and repairing anything that happened etc. I did not use the car. I guess that is probably the cost of the home all up so although I will not be able to do some of the things that I thought I would do in retirement at least I should not need to use savings for all of this so should be OK. Luckily my share of the estate enabled me to recoup the savings I had to use on Mum.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)